nagadik ulit sa a millionaire's first love

i'm so happy. i'm so happy that i think i'm going to hell.

i'll end up hurting him knowing that i miss him i wanna hold his hand and be with him what makes me happy now will hurt him later but i can't help it i'll definitely go to hell.

is god blind? doesn't he have a conscience?

don't be afraid to be happy. he's taking you from me. he'll understand.

For you

Take one a day...

Don't overdose it...

Alam ko may sakit ka sa puso pero di ka si Eun Whan at hindi kami si Jae Kyung. Hindi ito "A Millionaire's First Love".

Wag kang iiyak pag binasa mo yan ah??

Broken hearted (nagadik lang)

***di akin to nakuha ko lang sa lovenotes yahoo groups ito***

he's all i ever wanted, but now, he's gone...and left me all alone...

it still hasn't come to me why i chose to fall for him...to wait for
him...and still he chose to break my heart...

he's not the cutest guy i ever liked... he hasn't live up to my
standards...but still, i loved... i don't know what happened...one
day he just go...went away... with HER...

i told him i will wait...even if it takes forever, i'll still
wait... but then again, he left me without nothing to hold
on...nothing to remember and touch all the memories he could've left
me... he just left without a good bye...

i thought he was gonna be my last...my only one...but he never made
me feel that way...it never came that we're gonna be together up
until forever... he chose to leave me hanging... really hanging...
it doesn't matter to him if i'd die because of him...nothing really
mattered to him... and that's what broke me apart....

i nearly died just the thought of him being with another girl...
just the mere thought...kept me hanging...it still breaks me...every
day i sit, asking myself what the hell have i done to deserve such
pain like this??? i never meant to hurt any body but now, i'm really
hurting so much....

God i don't know what to do... everyone sees me happy, laughing,
smiling,... but deep inside me, is a girl crying with pain...
tortured by the heartbreaks he brought me...thanks a lot...i'm still
broken...doubly broken coupled with hit and smash!

i'm really hating you as much as the pain still lingers within me...
so much i don't wanna see u or even here ur name, hear ur voice,
whatever it is that links to you... i hate you that much.....

The Art of Letting Go

> THE ART OF LETTING GO
>
> It's over. He's gone.
>
> Why do we have to part while the love is still there? Why do we
have to
> suffer? Why do we have to cry when somebody bids goodbye? Why do
beginnings
> have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?
>
> There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters
left unread,
> poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed,
promises left
> unfulfilled.
>
> In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying
goodbye and
> letting go. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll
never know
> when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than
not, they
> who go, feel not the pain of parting: it is they who stay behind
that suffer
> because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to
be, a love
> that was.
>
> At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are
embarrassed to
> find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way
love goes.
> That's the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love.
After all
> nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to
its end
> without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us even
knowing why
> And we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.
>
> In letting go, sorrows come not as a single spy but in battalion.
It seems
> that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear,
every turn
> of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart,
every blink
> of your eye and every breath you take always reminds you of him.
It's like a
> stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world
becomes
> depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine there are
billion
> people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without
the other
>
>
> I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails
special
> skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals all
wounds
> but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a part.
Not all
> love stories end with "...and they live happily ever after."
>
> Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our
control. We
> have to suffer if it would mean happiness for others. We have to
cry to
> temporarily let go of the pains. Every beginning has its end like
every dawn
> has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something we had to
live up.
>
> It's over. He's gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always
mean
> forever. There will always be a place and time where questions will
be
> answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be
recited
> in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed
in
> solitude and promises will be fulfilled. Somewhere, Somehow,
Someday...

Love is like a tattoo

LOVE IS LIKE A TATTOO...

... you take the risk, face the pain

and yet place it in a special part of you.

and when the time comes that you need to erase it,

you have to endure again the pain.

and realize that it will forever leave a scar.

... a scar that will alays remind you, that you once had a tattoo.

...a tattoo that for sometime symbolized something so special.

This is the problem I want to have...

We're all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if
you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's
no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because
you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are
wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow
fully into your own wrongness. It isn't until you finally run up
against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems - the ones that
make you truly who you are - that you're ready to find a lifelong
mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're
looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person; it has
got to be the right wrong person - someone you lovingly gaze upon and
think, "This is the problem I want to have."

Love defined

i have never been in love.
or at least, i used to think so.
i thought that being in love meant that feeling that made you want to get up every morning and sing at the top of your lungs.
or the proverbial butterflies flitting like mad at the pit of your stomach.
or that tingly sensation that spread a shower of warmth all the way down to your toes.
like every other person on the planet,
i was locked in that mindset and thought i could only be in love with a "special someone" who made me feel all this and more.
but, as i mature, i realized there was more to that "feeling" than what everybody thought.
being in love can be flexible.
it doesn't have to be exclusively romantic.
love can come in all forms, even those we cant begin to understand.
it's not just about happily-ever-afters and fireworks.
the pain, the rejection, despair and disappointments are very much a part of it.
they actually make being in love so real and special.
some of us might have spent lifetimes tilting at windmills and chasing rainbows, searching for the greatest romance ever known to people, when it seemingly little things around us that evoke that special feeling.
maybe there wont be butterflies, or tingles or that kilig feeling all the time, but you know from the soul, flesh and core of your being that it is something inexplicably wonderfull and extraordinary.
and you feel incredibly glad that you are alive.
many years of my life have passed, but it is only now that i have the courage to admit to myself how truly "in love" i am and always have been.
i am in love with my family, though i may not be expressive at times.
i am in love with my friends old, new, lost or forgotten.
i am in love with my special someone out there
whether he is a part of my past or the once-in-a-lifetime yet to come.
i am in love with the faces i see everyday, with the smiles that prove that life is worth living.
i am in love with sadness, grief, loneliness, anger - all those emotions that make life's joys even more precious.
i am in love with HIM who has graced me with the gift of love and loving, and who shares this blessing with all that exists this world.
and i am in love with myself, with my own unique ability to express that love in infinite ways despite my imperfections and limitations.
i am in love with love, with life, with living.
this is my greatest testimonial to being in love.
no matter how many times i may deny or ignore it, being in love will always be the grandest experience that life can give to me and everyone else.
at the risk of inciting Philosophy teachers to war, i believe Descartes was wrong.
i am not because i think.
i am because i love.
and i can be even more, because i am loved in return.

Heabreak

heartbreak is an odd kind of pain,
because you are not dying.
you are not even sick.
for all intents and purposes you are perfectly fine,
yet inside where your heart used to be,
you hurt so much that you can't breathe
you can't sleep,
and you can't stop the tears from falling.
you may eat too much,
you may not eat at all,
non-smokers light up,
non-drinkers find a bar.
a broken heart is the world's greatest equalizer,
because it can bring even the strongest man to his knees...
it happens to the best of us...

For ladies

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
Don't stay because you think "it will get better"
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women..

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up..

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...
Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships. ..
There is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. ..
Look for someone complimentary. ...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted

Never move into his mother's house.. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phill

You should know that:
You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.

They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.
Make the right one.

Ladies take care of your own hearts....

I've learned that...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon...

Love Qurstions

There was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't
know which one he loved more. Someone taught him.

Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly :

"When you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness
with?" The one you think of is someone you love.

Ask yourself another question and answer it honestly :

"When you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?" The
one you think of is also someone you love.

If you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most
perfect. But if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to
chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.

In life, there are more sorrows than happiness. There are too many
people that u meet that u can share your happiness with, not necessary
your lover.

If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone.

In sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your
burden with you. If you are willing to tell someone your happiness, I
am sure that person has got to be someone close & an understanding
person to you.

But it shouldn't stop there. If that person only thinks of you when
she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover
is too unstable, she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the
rest of her life with.

Of course, I will be very happy if I am the first person to share her
happiness. But, if she is sad, I will be too willing to stay by her
side & ease her pain. Only then, will I believe that I hold a very
important position in her heart.

If you are sad, who comes to your mind first?

ikaw na naman?!

yun lang

I

thank

you

bow

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicles #13: My 25 Resolutions I will try to follow on my 25th year here on Earth

1. I will not expect a lot - hey, how many times have I expected too much, that in the end, I ended up being depressed. I swear I will never ever expect a lot... and I will never be depressed if that thing I expected won't turn put the way I wanted.
2. I'll try to get that body I really really want (read: sexy!) - this time, I'll do my best to trim down... hopefully I wont get lazy doing some exercises or even forget that I am on a diet when I see a sumptuous food
3. I'll think twice before saying or doing something - do i need to explain?
4. I'll appreciate my job more - though sometimes, I feel like I'm messing up, I'll try not to mess up with my job... I'll do my best in everything. I'll try not to slack off. I'll do my duti as an FFP officer, as a tech support, and as a mod... haaayyy I wish I could work abroad...
5. If I want something, I'll take the risk - self-explanatory. If I really want that thing really bad, I'll take the risk to get it.
6. I'll try to be mean sometimes - mean in a nice way. no more goody girl for me
7. Once in a while, I'll go to a place that I have never been. I'll try to travel alone - may it be Baguio or Taiwan... heck it's about time that I see the world on my own!
8. I'll learn a new language - Japanes or Mandarin... definitely...
9. I'll finish my unfinished stories - all I need is a PC.. need to post it on my blog
10. I'll be more independent - if I have to move out... I'll move out
11. I'll save more money - wish I have a lot of money to save...
12. I'll try not to daydream a lot - haaayyy Calvin Chen...
13. I'll go out with friends once in a while - like I am not doing this now... duh??
14. I'll be more understanding especially when it comes to my best friend - though she's a pain in the ass sometimes...
15. I'll listen more and talk less - self-explanatory. actually i'm more of a listener instead of a talker
16. I will not be afraid to voice out what's in my mind - i just need to find the right words to voice out my opinion
17. I won't say anything if I can't say anything nice - I can always rant in my blog, can't I?
18. I'll try to learn how to fix myself so I would look like a girl- makeup, new hairdo, and the likes
19. I'll try my best not to get pissed off that easily - count one to ten silently
20. If I want something, I'll buy it - that's what's money is for, ayt?
21. I'll be more appreciative of the little things around me - take pictures, keep small things that has a lot of memories, blog all the good and bad things that happened to me
22. I'll be more helpful
23. I'll go back to school - wish I could do this... at least I wish I could go back to St. Jo for the Aming Tribo fair...
24. I'll be more realistic - in love life, in finances, in everything
25. I'll stop finding "the one" - if it's meant to be, it's meant to be....

Naghahanap ng possible roommate...

Balak ko kasi lumipat ng house... eh iniisip ko gusto ko apartment sana hindi share-a-condo para makapagadik... sana yung roommate ko eh:

• addict sa FRH
• addict sa Asian Dramas
• addict sa S.H.E
• walang pagnanasa kay Kim Hyun Joon ng SS501
• At mas lalong walang pagnanasa kay Calvin Chen
• ok makisama
• matotolerate kalokohan ko

yun pa lang naiisip ko hehehe kung gusto mo sumama sa kin comment ka na lang dito

ah ewan

1. Sa palabas na Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Ang daga ay si Splinter, ang kalaban na may metal helmet ay si Shredder, ang dalawang goons ay si Rocksteady at Bebop. Ano ang pangalan ng mukhang kurimaw na may utak sa tiyan? -- Krang

2. Ano ang pangalan ng character ni Aiza Seguerra sa Okey ka, Fairy ko? -- aiza din

3. Sino si Prinsepe K? -- Bayani Casimiro Jr.

4. Ano ang ibig sabihin ng "CTG" sa rap lyrics na "CTG kita, miss miss pakipot/ CTG kita, miss miss suplada"? -- malay

5. Ano ang pangalan ng rap group na kumanta nito? -- nakalimutan ko

6. Sa Batibot, ano ang mahilig sabihin ni Sitsiritsit at Alibangbang? -- sitsiritsit..alibangbang

7. Magbigay ng pangalan ng isa sa mga kaklase ni Princess Sara. -- ermengarde, lotte, lavinia

8. Sa Marimar, ano ang pangalan ng nag-iisang black na character (yung babeng mataba)? -- Corazon

9. Ano ang pangalan ng aso? -- Pulgoso

10. Si B1 at B2, laging magkasama. Lahat ng oras, sila ay masaya. Ano ang pangalan ng kaibigan nilang daga? -- DOdeng daga?

11. Bago nauso ang pelikulang Jologs, anong grupo ang original na kumanta ng Next in Line? -- After Image

12. Anong palabas ang nagpa-uso ng popular na phrase na "CHIKEN!" *with matching hand gesture*? -- Tropang Trumpo

13. Magbigay ng pangalan ng isa sa limang Batang X. -- sorry nde ko napanood sa sine...

14. Ano ang paborito mong game sa Takeshi's Castle? -- human pinball

15. Complete the phrase: "Lilipad, lipipad, _________!" --- Takore!!

16. Bago sya mag-transform bilang si Sailor Moon, ano ang pangalan nya (hindi pwede "Usagi". Yung 'Tagalized' version.)? -- Bunny Tsukino!

17. Sino si Buloy? -- Bida sa kanta ng Parokya?

18. Sino ang kumanta ng "Sinaktan mo ang Puso ko"? Magibigay ng isang linya sa kanta. Hindi pwedeng 'sinaktan mo ang puso ko' -- Michael V. sinaktan mo ang puso ko sinaksak mo ng kutsilyo...

19. Ano ang dalawang kahulugan ng "Smokey Mountain"? -- Tambakan ng Basura saka un Group na kumakanta.

20. Kung sasabihin ko, "E, paano kung walang ice?", ang sagot mo ay ____________. -- pantay natin?

21. Ano ang papel ni Donita Rose sa Ober da Bakod? -- si Barbie Doll

22. Anong kanta to (pagpasensyahan ang imbentong lyrics): "kung koila/ a chidi kong koila/ a butchikik ik ek ek"? -- Buchikik

23. Sinong kumanta nito? -- Yoyoy Villame

24. Aling kanta ng Eraserheads ang na-feature sa pelikulang T.G.I.S.? -- huh? wala kaya!

25. Aling brand ng powedered milk ang dapat iniinom three times a day? (Clue: ito yung may baka sa lata?)-- birch tree?

26. "Banal na aso! Santong Kabayo! Natatawa ako, _________________" Hee Hee Hee Hee

27. Ano ang dahilan ng isang luzon-wide black out, at ano ang ginagawa mo nang mga panahon na iyon? (Clue: sea-life) -- Jelly Fish, nag adik

28. Ano raw ang maririnig mo pag nag-backmask ka ng kantang Alapaap ng Eraserheads, o Laklak ng The Teeth? -- basta about demons?

29. Sino ang bestfriend ni Kiko Matsing? -- Pong Pagong

30. Four-Thirty na! _______ na! -- ANg TV na.

31. Ano ang tawag ng mga radio stations sa Pinoy rock music na long hair ang mga banda at pa-slam-slam pa ang ulo? -- napaka "stereo - type" na question

32. Ano [raw] ang kantang pinapatugtog sa Ozone Disco nang masunog Ito. -- tulog ako ng panahonn na yan

33. Anong kendi ang sinasabing may cocaine? -- waahhh???

34. Ang mga 'kisses' ay pabango ng kotse na maliliit na bilog ng hardened gel. Itinatago ito ng mga batang babae sa panyo o sa cotton. Bakit? -- para manganak..

35. Ano ang pangalan ng palabas ni Inday Badiday? -- Eye to Eye

36. Gusto kong tumira sa buwan, pero...? -- malayo?

37. Ano ang 'pog'? -- yung parang teks...

38. Anong softdrink makakakuha ng pog? -- Coke

39. Sinong Hollywood actress ang nagsabing puno raw ng amoy ng ipis ang Pilpinas? -- Claire Daines,

phone survey

1. What color is your phone?
♥ cherry pink

2. Who 's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
♥ mama

3. Who's the last person you called?
♥ bahay

4. Who was your last missed call from?
♥ joschie

5. Who's the 2nd person who miss called?
♥ tin

6. Who's speed dial 2?
♥ wala

7. Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?
♥ jackie

8. Who was your last received call?
♥ mama

9. Who's speed dial number 4?
♥ None

10. What is your wallpaper?
♥ wedding picture ni chun at ella

11. How many text messages do you have?
♥ 199

12. Who's speed dial number 8?
♥ None

13 . What's the 5th message say in your inbox? And from?
♥ from betsy, joke sya

14. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
♥ daddy ben

15. Who was your last text message from?
♥ mm

16. Name every person you have text messages from:
♥ josche, tin, daph, betsy, mm, sandee, ghian, jan, julz, pie, etc

17. Who's the 3rd person on your phonebook?
♥ alvin

19. What does the 3rd message in your Outbox/sent say?
♥ joke sya

20. Who is the first name in your Phonebook?
♥ abscbn news

21. Who is the last name in your Phonebook?
♥ wrold time

22. Where was your wallpaper taken?
♥ sa pex

23. Last four digits of your number?
♥ 6336

24. Sun/Globe/Smart/TM?
♥ globe

Ah ewan ko sa yo

Sorry ka, I have my instructions at kahit paulit ulit mong sabihin yun ganun din yung sasabihin nya sa yo! Dun ka sa baranggay magreklamo!

Do I Have to Explain Myself?

Maybe for those people who knew me very well, who knew what I've gone through, the issues, and the likes... yes, I don't think I have to. But maybe for those who does not know me enough, I guess then I have to.

They say for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. For every action I have made, I know someone will react violently. Well, that's Newton's Law of Forces for you.

I can take anything. You can say anything you want from me, disrespect me, say nasty words about me... and the likes. You can hurt me and I assure you I will just hold my peace. Hurt the ones I loved most, hurt the ones I care about, then that's the only time I will react violently against you.

I am the kind of person who keeps her opinion to herself simply because I don't want to hurt someone else's ego. I easily agree to everything, as long as it's majority. But when someone voices out their opinion, and if I do agree with that person, then that's the only time I can voice out mine. Though I just silent keep my opinions to myself, that doesn't mean I agree to everything. I have my stand and my principles.

I am writing this because I wanted to end the issue. This will be the last time I will explain myself. You just have to respect me, if not as someone with authority, but as a person. I am not mean, believe me. But there are circumstances that made me become the bitch that I am now.

Maybe I have hurt a lot of people in the past few weeks. People who have always been my friends, who have always been like a family to me. To you all, I am sorry for hurting you, but I am not sorry for stading up for what I think is right. Believe me, it's hard to see somethign that's being divided into two. I am doing this because I wanted to keep the friendship alive. I don't want us to be divided. Not now... not at this point...

For those people who stood up for me and stayed with me until the last second. You know who you are. Thank you. I will be forever in debt to you for you have taught me to stand up for myself and fight for what is right. We'll get through this, I swear.

For those who understood me, who listens to my rants and gave their comments. Thank you.

I am writing this because I want the fight to end. Because I realized that as long as there are issues, we can never move on. You and I could never move on.

surbey lang

1. HOW OLD WILL YOU TURN IN 2009?
* 26
2. DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE MARRIED BY
THEN?
* not yet... maybe if Calvin Chen will ask me... LOL! havent found the right guy for me yet
3. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FORWARD TO IN THE
NEXT TWO MONTHS?
* FRH Fam's Xmas party, moving out of the house (finally), christmas, birthday, new year,
4.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON TO TEXT YOU?
* Joschie
5.WHAT DOES IT SAY?
* Ayuz ah! sabay lang tayo? hehehe slyp tyt
6. DO YOU PREFER TO CALL OR TEXT?
* call
7. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
* ala
8. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 1AM?
* talking to my mom about moving out
9. WHAT ABOUT 3AM?
* sleeping
10. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOTHER?
* before i went to the office
11. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO?
* payday, transition period, xmas party of frh fam
12. HOW MANY BOOKS DO YOU HAVE?
* a lot!
14. DO YOU PREFER SHOES, SOCKS, OR slippers?
* sneakers and socks
15. ARE YOU A SOCIAL PERSON?
* now... yeah...
16. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
* hotdog sandwich
17. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
* pink!
18. What are you doing for your next birthday?
* go out on dinner with the officers and some friends... wahahaha at least i could be with them before they watch the FRH concert in SG!
19. What is your favorite tv show
* PI LI MIT? WTF wahahahahaahaha joke.. Mean Girl Ah Chu's my current fave
20. What are you wearing now?
* shirt pants
21. Do you like coffee or tea?
* coffee
22. Are you watching TV?
* nope
23.What is your favorite game on your cell phone?
* wala
24. Who knows more about you than anyone else?
* mom
25. What is one thing nobody knows about you?
*. its a secret
26. Do you know how to play poker?
* nope
27. What are you thinking about right now?
* how's the gift going??

28. Any plans for this weekend?
* well... if next weekend, I plan to rest wahahahhaha
30. Have you already made a resolution for 2009?
* save money, diet, work
31. How many people do you think will read this?
* dont care
32. What is your desktop wallpaper?
* twilight poster
33. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
* no
34. Do you prefer an ocean or pool?
pool
35. How many true friends do you have?
* hmmmm buong FRH fam?
37. What are your favorite things to spend money on?
* books, food, coffee
38. Do you wear any jewelry?
* sometimes
39. Who is the funniest person you know?
* ako
40. Who is the loudest person you know?
* ako
41. Have you ever told someone something then regretted it?
* yeah
42.What is your favorite season of the year?
* spring (need I say more)
43.What is your favorite time of day?
* uwian
44.What is the main ring tone on your cell phone?
* 25 minutes, FRH Fam version
46.What do you want for your birthday?
* eclipse or breaking dawn na book, or FRH photobook, or genie zhou's album, or... love life??
47.What is your favorite item to order at Mcdonald's ?
* sundae
48. Do you wish someone was with you right now?
* Calvin Chen

What's inside my pedestal?

Top part:

• GXS notebook
• Leave form na hindi ko naipasa
• Starbucks tissue
• Secure ID
• Poster ni Chun at Calvin from Star Studio Mag
• Toy Capsule
• Mga scratch mula sa maling pagprint ng DTR
• Sticky notes
• Gamot
• Bracelet from Gerald
• Magnet

Printout ng sked

• Earphone na sira
• earphone na di kasya sa saksakan ng pc
• OST CD
• CD from Jiro's Birthday
• Brochure ng Asus
• Contact number ng NCO
• Pamphlet ng blood donation
• Mouse na sira

Middle Part

• Scratch ulit from maling pagprint ng DTR
• Supot
• Mug
• Tissue
• Pagkain (Graham Crackers)

Bottom

• Paper plates
• Sandamakmak na supot
• Bag
• Bote ng Watsons mineral water
• Supot

Repost ko lang...

Ikaw. Oo, ikaw nga! Napakasuwerte mo sa lahat ng mga taong nagpakatanga at nagpapakatanga sayo! Naisip mo na ba kung ilang dagat na ang pwedeng mabuo mula sa mga luhang tumulo dahil sayo? Masarap ba ang pakiramdam ng iniiyakan kahit buhay ka pa?! Masaya?!


Ilang tanga na ba ang naliwanagan dahil dumating ka sa buhay nila? Ilang henyo na ba ang nabobo sa kaiisip sayo? ilang bochog na ba ang nangayayat sa kakahabol sayo? ilang patpatin na ba ang nakabuhat ng grand piano dahil minahal ka nila?


Nakakatawang isipin at pagtanda siguro natin mahirap paniwalaan, na minsan sa buhay ng batang iyon, ikaw ang naging tampok ng kanyang mga pangarap.


Minsan naman sadyang dumadating sa mga relasyon yung pagkakataon na kailangang bumitaw o mabitawan, makasakit o masaktan. Malas mo na nga lang kung ikaw yung iniwan pero hindi eh. Talagang masuwerte ka kasi ikaw yung nang-iwan. Pero kahit ganoon na nga ang papel mo, lalabas ka pa ring bida at dakila kasi sasabihin ng mokong na ‘to, “Hindi ko siya masisisi. Ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan.” Ayos.


Ilang utak na ba ang binabagabag mo gabi-gabi? Ilang nilalang na ang hindi nakakatulog sa kaiisip sayo? Ilang mga mata na ang parang namagang fishball sa umaga dahil sa magdamag na pag-iyak sa alaala mo?


Alam mo ba na para kang bubblegum sa bumbunan nung taong mahal na mahal ka? Pilit na kinukutkot pero sa huli malagkit pa rin. Para kang mantika sa platong hindi maalis-alis kahit nakalimang banlaw na lalo na kung walang Joy Ultra Calamansi. Para kang monthly period na after three days akala wala na pero may taghabol pa pala.


Isa man yan, o isang barkada, maswerte ka pa rin. Hindi ba nakakataba ng puso ang
malamang may isang nilalang na iinom ng isang shot ng nana at isang kilong taba para lang sayo? Na kahit lasunin mo ng racumin, para pa ring tutang susunod sayo.


Kung ganon pwede ka nang lumundag mula sa Eiffel Tower at makakasigurado kang sa langit pa rin ang bagsak mo dahil may isang nilalang na makikipagbargain kay satanas para sa kaluluwa mo.


Sabihin mo nang hindi ka naman ganon; na iniiwan ka rin at nasasaktan; na hindi mo ginustong magpakapraning sila sayo; na hindi ka ganon kalupit at karahas; na may puso ka ring mamon. Pero wala kang magagawa. Wala akong magagawa. Wala silang magagawa. Naging praning ako sayo eh...

As per bob ong... ninakaw ko kay daph

PAG-IBIG

"Kung hindi mo mahal and isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

"Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pag tinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."

"Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

"Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

"Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

"Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

"Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

"Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo. Dapat lumandi ka din."

"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

"Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

"Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

"Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?"

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

"Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

PAG-AARAL

"Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!)."

"Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka. Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba't-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan..."

"Hikayatin mo lahat ng kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang paboritong libro sa buhay nila. Dahil wala nang mas kawawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa."

"Dalawang dekada ka lang mag-aaral. kung 'di mo pagtityagaan, limang dekada ng kahirapan ang kapalit. sobrang lugi. kung alam lang 'yan ng mga kabataan, sa pananaw ko ehh walang gugustuhing umiwas sa eskwela."

BUHAY (IN GENERAL)

"Nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

"Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."

"Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa'yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili."

"Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi. wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon. Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?"

"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras."

HALO-HALO

"Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling mag-breakdance. Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."

"Ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko."

"Hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"

"Hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan. "

"Sabi nila, sa kahit ano raw problema, isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa'yo - ang sarili mo. Tama sila. Isinuplong ako ng sarili ko. Kaya siguro namigay ng konsyensya ang Diyos, alam niyang hindi sa lahat ng oras e gumagana ang utak ng tao."

"Obligasyon kong maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta sa kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko."

"Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala."

"Iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala."

Why?

Can someone remind me why the hell am I doing what I am doing right now?

Oh yeah, because he was the one who changed me, who turned my life 180 degrees, who gave me hope, who became my inspiration, who helped me mend my broken heart...

Isa na lang...

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicles #12 - Call it quits...???

Giving up?

Not sure...

Hey, it's clear as the skies up above! Can't I just see the sign? Why do I have to keep on going??

Because I don't want to regret one day that I never fought for something that I have always wanted...

So we're talking again

Let's just bury the hatchet... friends naman tayo bago naging tayo di ba? Glad you're talking it me again :)

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicles #11 - Let's do the chicken dance!

Chicken...

You know someone who's chicken? Well, I just realized I am one. I'm just all "Oh yeah sure I'll text him..." but when I'm about to send the message, I pause, and then begins to delete the message that took me 2 hours to construct. And so my only hope is YM... but I doubt if he'll notice my message since he's always busy. We needed his help. Because I know he's the only oone who can help us. And I'm chickening out by just asking him that BIG favor.

Chicken...

I'm just playing it safe. Am I? Yeah I guess I am. And so when I asked the EMEA guys' opinion about asking the guy out for dinner, Berns told me to... you know... the usual advice... don't expect too much. Sign? Yeah, baby! It's a sign! Bring it on!

Chicken...

I'm just scared of what he would think of me. But I want to make the move because if I don't, I might have a lot of what-ifs right? I don't know what to do anymore, and I can't always expect J to help me when it comes to him. I AM SCARED OF GUYS!!! really! I am speechless whenever I am with him... whenever he's around... it seems like we don't have anything in common. Come on, the guy's cool and I'm a jologs! What the hell...

Chicken...

Yeah, yeah, let's do the chicken dance ok?

You

Your eyes
they shine
like stars

Your smile
they brigten up
like sunshine

Your voice
they echo
in the eternity

Your love
they stood
above the rest

Star - Chapter 7

Chapter 7: The Kiss that led to a heart's confession

Sunday Afternoon:
"Ready?" Yi Quan asked Kelsi as soon as he opened the car door for her. Kelsi smiled at Yi Quan and nodded her head before she got in. It was a few minutes drive to the carnival. As soon as they got in, Kelsi pulled Yi Quan to her favorite ride - bump car. "Come on!" she said as they ran towards the ticket booth. "You love riding to bump cars?" Yi Quan asked. He was amused at how playful and childish Kelsi seems to be. "Of course! Back home, me and my brother would ride bump cars whenever we could."

Yi Quan smiled as he followed her. They got on the bump car, and as the timer starts, they began to drive those toy cars. Kelsi always bumps into Yi Quan, and Yi Quan would take the opportunity to bump her car. After the bump car, they rode on the carousel. Then, they went to get some cotton candy.

As they were eating cotton candy, they saw the magician's booth at the other side. "Look, Quan! Let's go there!" Kelsi said. Yi Quan looked at her and smiled. There was a glow in Kelsi's eyes. Seeing Kelsi very happy makes him feel contented. Might as well accompany Kelsi at the magician's booth.

As soon as they reached the magician's booth, the magician began to show them his tricks. First, he made a bunny come out from his hat. Then, he changed the color of his handkerchief. Yi Quan was not paying attention to the magician, but instead, he was watching Kelsi as she watched the magician in awe. He loved seeing Kelsi that way...

"Do you love roses, lovely miss?" he heard the magician say. Kelsi nodded her head. "Yes, I love roses..." she answered. Then, the magician waved his wand onto his hat, and pulled out a solitary red rose. He then gave it to Kelsi. "I can do better than that!" Yi Quan said. Kelsi gave him a doubtful look. Yi Quan just smiled at her. "Watch me." Then, he went to the magician's booth. The magician stepped aside and watched Yi Quan as he performed his trick. He waved the wand onto the hat and mumbled a magic word that made Kelsi laugh.

After a while, he pulled out a bouquet of red roses from the hat. Kelsi was surprised. She never knew Yi Quan could do magic. Then, Yi Quan took the roses, and handed it to her. "I believe these roses are for you, lovely miss..." he said. Kelsi blushed as she took the roses. "Thank you..." she said in a low voice.

The two said their thanks to the magician, then headed to their next ride. As they were walking, an old gypsy approached them. "May I have the honor of reading your palms..." the old gypsy said. Kelsi looked at Yi Quan, awaiting his approval. "Why not..." Yi Quan told her. Then, they opened their palms as the old gypsy read it. "You know, I never volunteer to read palms, except when I see that something good would be coming... and I am right all along..." the old gypsy said as she traced her finger onto her hands. She looked up at them and smiled. "The two of you... you are lucky to have found the one God have prepared for you. It is rare for people to find the one meant for them... Once
you have it, never let it go for it will never ever come your way again..."

Kelsi smiled at the old gypsy. Deep inside, she was wishing that the old gypsy is talking about Quan. Quan wished the same. He hoped that this time, it's Kelsi.

"There would be some difficultied ahead... but as long as you believe in love, you'll get through it and you will live a happy life..." The gypsy continued. "Thank you, Ma'am..." Yi Quan said. He was about to pull his wallet to pay her, but the gypsy stopped him. "No need my dear... just promise me you will follow what I have said. That's the payment I would like."

Then, the gypsy left them. "Do you think what she said is true?" Kelsi asked. Yi Quan looked at her. "Maybe... maybe not..." he answered. "But I am wishing it is true..." he thought. Kelsi smiled at him, then began to pull him. "Come on, let's ride at the ferris wheel..."
"Ferris wheel?"
"Yeah, the ferris wheel..."

Yi Quan paused. He can't ride that. He's afraid of riding it. There was a time when he was young that he almost fell from that ride. "I... I'm sorry, I can't, Kelsi..." he said in a low voice. Kelsi gave him a confused look. "Why not?"
"I... I'm scared of riding ferris wheel... I almost fell from one when I was a kid..."

He thought Kelsi would laugh at his confession, but she just smiled at him and held his hand. "Here..." she said. "Let me hold your hand while we're at the ferris wheel so that you won't get scared anymore... I'm scared of heights, but you know what, sometimes we have to take the risk and face our fears. There's nothing to lose if we try right?" Yi Quan nodded his head. Kelsi's right. Maybe it's about time that he face his fear. And he wants to face it together with Kelsi...

--

They got in to the ferris wheel, and Yi Quan could feel his heart beating fast. He could feel his knees shake and the cold swaet running down his face. He was nervous and scared... after the ferris wheel incident when he was a kid, he swore never to ride in it again. Kelsi could feel his cold palm. She understands how scary this is for Yi Quan, for she was scared as well. She never rode a ferris wheel before for she was scared of heights. Kelsi looked at him and smiled, as she squeezes his hand, which she have been holding since they got it that ride.

"Don't be scared... if you fall then I'll fall with you." she said. Yi Quan just gave her a nervous laugh. Then, the ferriss wheel began to move up. Yi Quan felt as if he can't breath, and Kelsi could sense it. She squeezed his hand again and smiled at him, assuring Yi Quan's everything's going to be all right. "Just enjoy
the ride." she said. Yi Quan smiled back at him, and then he felt at ease.

After a few seconds, Yi Quan started to enjoy the ride. The ferris wheel turned around twice, and then once they were at the top, it stopped. This made Yi Quan uneasy again. "Relax... there's nothing to be scared of..." Kelsi said, sensing his uneasiness again. "B-but... but why did we stopped?" he asked nervously. He closed his eyes, afraid to see what's going to happen next. "Open your eyes Yi Quan, and you'll see..."

Slowly, Yi Quan opened his eyes. From the top, he could see all of Taipei. "Wow..." he blurted. "I... I never thought I could see the whole of Taipei from here!"
"Isn't this beatiful?"
Kelsi looked at her left, gazing at the wonders of the metropolis. Yi Quan looked at her where she is gazing, but his eye caught her lovely, smiling face. He stared at it for a long time, and smiled to himself. "Yes... it's beautiful... you are beautiful..." he said dreamily. His face moved closer to hers, and as she turned to Yi Quan, her lips brushed against his. She gave him a suprised look,
for she did not know how close he is to her. Yi Quan lovingly looked at her. He cupped her cheek, his face moving closer to hers again. He hesitated at first, but then, he closed his eyes, and put his lips against hers. As he kissed her, he let her know how he feels for her. He felt he could go on like this forever... he wanted so much to hold her in his arms, and never let her go.

He love her...

At that moment, he finally knew that he does love her. There's no more hesitations now. He thought after his heartbreak, he would not be capable of loving again, but Kelsi came and in an instant he saw him, he fell for her. He doesn't know what it is with her, but he felt at ease whenever he is with her. It's like all of his worries suddenly goes away whenever he's with her. .And he felt that Kelsi feel the same way for him. He could feel it in her kiss.

Suddenly, the ferris wheel began to move down. Both of them broke away from the kiss. He could see Kelsi's cheeks turn pink. Though the ride ended, he never let go of her hand. He have no plans of letting her go...

--

He drove Kelsi home, and along the way, both of them were quiet. As he drives, he would steal glances at her. He stopped his car, and then he held her hand again. Kelsi gave him a confused look. "We need to talk..." he began. Suddenly, Kelsi began to feel scared. The time that they almost kissed, he said he was sorry. She didn't want to hear those words from him. There's nothing to regret, and there's nothing to be sorry about. "Please don't say sorry Quan... please..."
"Kelsi..."
"I don't regret kissing you... it's the most beautiful thing that happened to me in my whole life..."
"And I don't regret kissing you, Kelsi... It's just that... I regret kissing you before telling you how I feel..."

He moved close to her, his hand cupped her cheeks. "I love you Kelsi... I do... don't ask my why or how but I really love you... please believe me..." he said. Kelsi smiled, but then, tears began to flow from her cheeks. She can't believe that her fantasy have finally turned to be a reality. Yi Quan... her prince charming... and of all the girls in the world, he chose her. "Did you know that you just made this day the happiest day of my life?" Kelsi said. "And this would be mine too... if you tell me that you love me too..." Yi Quan said. Kelsi just nodded her head. "Yes, I do love you, Yi Quan... I do..."

And with that, Yi Quan kissed her once again...

--

"Was I right to tell you to follow your heart? Then you wouldn't find the happiness you're feeling now..."
"Yes, you are right... but somehow I am scared... scared that one day... this will all go away...I'm scared that one day, he will realize that I am not wothry of him... and that he deserves better..."
"Trust in him, trust in his love... I know that he is your happiness... and I trust that you are his happiness as well..."

Silence.

"Then maybe, I can slowly slip away now that I see you're happy... I know you will be together for the rest of your life... I know... I just know..."
"Angel... don't say that..."
A smile formed into her lips. "This is the only reason why I asked God to give me more time... I just want to see you happy before I go... at least it would unburden me with the pain knowing I have hurt you because... because... I'll be leaving you... soon..."

Ang Adik sa A millionaire's first love

I know it hurts for you to be with me. But I love you

it's just the beginning, it'll hurt more later, you'll hurt more than me

I didn't think you'd let me do this, trying to seek a favor?
Not with you, with God, so he'll take his time taking you away from me

Give me enough time to say goodbye

Fool! If it hurts, scream! Hold me and cry. dont try to hide it it hurts me so much. I feel as if i'd die before you!
I'm scared, Jae-Kyung, I'm so scared. let me live
how... how could i...
me heart, it's broken...because i love you enough for my heart to burn... medicine does not work anymore

wondering why i like you. i miss you. it's a diesease

it's raining. the rain can't cool down my love for you.

if he stakes out a house for an hour, he's called a stalker. and i did that for two.

come on, don't follow me into my dreams.

when i'm with you at night, it feels as if it were day.

now i believe that phrase that you can see with eyes closed.

i hated you so much. growing up without you, i'd thought i'd make you pay. i thought i'd hurt you and make you sorry. but i ended up hurting myself. i'll forgive you for dumping me. forgive me for hating you. because i... i'd like to go to heaven...

when you were little, did a boy kiss you?
i dont know
do you know why they close their eyes when kissing
because they're so dazzled by each other
in that short moment with my eyes closed... i'll miss you

Prince

You know when you have found your prince
because you not only have a smile
on your face but in your heart as well.

Wag Ipagpilitan ang hindi pwede

For Crying Out Loud!

Yun Lang

I

Thank

You

Bow

regret

There's only one thing I regret doing,
loving the boy who didn't love me,
and forgetting the one who did.

Shet ka Sam Milby

For the nth time pinatutugtog ko yung version ni Sam Milby ng Each Passing Night. Ewan ko kung kailangan ko lang ng inspiration para sa fan fic ni Daph... or wala lang...

SHET KA TALAGA SAM MILBY!

My Playlist

) Open up your library (iPod, Winamp, iTunes, etc.)

2) Put it on shuffle

3) Press play

4) for each question, type in what song is playing no matter how embarrassing the song is

5) hit next for each question


----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. What do people assume when they first look at me?

• Love the tast of love by Angela Zhang - anuber????

2. What will be a big challenge in life for me?

• It's Love by Melody (yung sa Coffee Prince OST) - hala oo nga nu??

3. Am I a good boyfriend/girlfriend?

• So far away by Soraya - ang layo??

4. Do I have a Secret Admirer?

• Lies by Big Bang - pakshet

5. Will I ever become manically depressed in my life?

• Can you keep a secret by Utada Hikaru - hala mukha nga

7. Is someone trying to kill me?

• Someday by Nina - anuber!!!

8. What is my sexual preference?

• Qing Mei Tie Ma by Chen Yi (E Nu Ah Chu OST) - hahahaha talagang knight in shining armor hahahaha

9. What am I afraid of?

• I can't tell you why (Hana Kimi Jap OST) - hehehehe obviously

10. What will I be doing in a few years?

• Mei Li Xin Shi Jie version ng FRH - what?????

11. What is some good advice for me?

• Lian Ai Da Ren by Show Luo - ano daw???

12. What should I do instead of this quiz?

• Gei Wo Ni De Ai by Tank - oo nga naman... give me your love!

13. Will you get married?

• Wo Ke Yi by Evan Yo (Corner with Love OST) - oo nga naman I can!

14. What is the story of your life?

• Journey by Angela Zhang - tama nga naman... journey ang life ko

15. How can you get ahead in life?

• Zhao Xing Fu Gei Ni by Fahrenheit - ha? look for happiness to give you???

16. What is the best thing about your friends?

• Wo Yo Wo De Young by Fahrenheit - oh yes!

17. What song describes you?
• Xin Li You Shu by Fahrenheit - hehehe pede!

18. How does the world see you?

• Zhan You by Fahrenheit - teka wait anong possessed by... who??
19. Will you have a happy life?

• Power of Two by Indigo Girls - hehehee siguro kung 2 kami i will have a happy life

20. How can I make myself happy?

• Caramel song by Arashi - caramel makes me happy lalo na kung sundae

21. What should you do with your life?

• Xin Wo by Fahrenheit and S.H.E - ayun daw magstalk sa Fahrenheit lalo na kay Calvin... ano daw??? CC event ba ito???

22. Will you ever have children?

• Ai Lai Guo by SHE - hehehehe

Panalong linya

“I’m 26. Married to a man that embarrassed me every which way he could before he married me. He left me on our wedding night when I begged him not to go. I had a baby that was the product of a one-night stand. And now my paper husband is asking me for a second chance because he pities me. I can’t do this anymore, Chun. I can’t break my heart anymore over someone who’s not worth it. You’re not worth the pain, Chun.”

-My Only Angel (fanfic)

pansin nyo dami kong quotable quotes sa fanfic na yan???

smiling like an idiot

kahit hindi madilim at di ako nakasigaw ng andilim

keri na

mukha naman akong tangang nakangiti dito eh!

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicle #10 - Level Up!

So the party happened yesterday. Before that big day, I mentioned I was a little giddy and nervous. Anyways, here's what happened with the AOTE.

J told me the night before that he might be running late and he'll just follow, since he's still in the office. So I told her it's OK... better late than never right? The next day, we waited for him. He never came. He texted J telling her that he might not make it since he have other things to do. To be frank, I was diappointed. Well, I was planning to get to know him better (ok ok... don't get me wrong. As of now, I really wanted to just be friends with the guy. I never had a guy best friend since sixth grade ok?). J knew I'm feeling down because, so she made kulit on him till he decided to meet us at Glorietta for dinner.

And so I finally saw him. God, he was even better looking when I last saw him! With the eye glasses and everything! So we started to talk... and J was giving me help on how to talk to him. He even sat beside me! waaaaahhh!!! ok ok... kilig ito but still the fact that we talked? as in it's one of the longest conversations i had with him!

Then I asked him if he plays in Time Zone, and he asked if I wanted to play. Told him maybe next time since I have work the next day. Then I told J (and indirectly told him) maybe we should have dinner the next time and then we seeked help for our song. He agreed! waaaaahhhh Dinner ulit with him next time patay tayo jan! then I asked for his number andhe gave it to me. Hinatid pa nya ako sa sakayan ng taxi... he's such a gentleman...

No di ko pa sya crush. Gusto ko lang syang maging friend yun lang :D

Star -

Chapter 6 - Whispers of the heart


"Dr. Ramirez... you have flowers!" Ren Jie, one of Kelsi's colleagues in the hospital, said in a sing-song tone as soon as she got inside the emergency room. Ren Jie handed her a bouquet of flowers, and while she was reading the card included in it, Ren Jie and Nurse Xin Lei were giggling like school girls. Kelsi smiled as she read who sent the flowers. It was Yi Quan. "It's been a month since superstar got admitted here... doesn't he ever get tired of saying thanks to you?" Kelsi looked up and saw Jian Hua approaching her. "Good evening, Jian Hua. It was nice seeing you tonight." Kelsi said, smiling at him. She just ignored his remarks about Yi Quan's yet another thank you gift.

Jian Hua put his arm around Kelsi, as they walked away from the Nurse's station. "Kelsi... is there something going on between you and superstar?" he asked. Kelsi looked up at him and smiled. "Nothing... but if there is, you'll be the first person to know, Wallace..." Jian Hua sighed, as he gave her a faint smile. "Kelsi, you know you have always been like a sister to me... really... and I really don't want to see you get hurt because of Zuo Yi Quan..."
"I know Wallace, I understand why you are protecting me... but whatever it is that I do, whatever it is that I decided... if ever I get hurt, there's nobody to blame but me..."
Jian Hua then hugged Kelsi. "Just take care of your heart..." he whispered to her. "If he ever hurts you, you know Jian Hua Ge Ge will alaways be here for you..."

--

"And so, slowly, you're starting to be in his heart..." the little girl said. Though she can't see her, she knows she was smiling because of her news. "I don't know... but since he got out of the hospital, he has been constantly sending me flowers..."
"That would be a great start..."
"But I'm scared..."
The little girl paused. She could hear from the other line her sniffling. "I'm scared... I'm starting to get scared..." she cried. Yes, she is happy about what's happening in her life now, but she is scared... she's scared that everything she have now, everything she's feeling right now... the happiness she's feeling right now would suddenly all go away in an instant. "Sssshhh...." the little girl said. "Hush now, ate..." She knows not everything will last forever... and all she have to do is make happy memories and to enjoy every moment with him....

--

"Yes, a bouquet of red roses... yes... address it to Dr. Kelsi Ramirez... the message would be... welll yes... Thank you and take care.. yes.... that would be from Jason Zuo... yes... yes... send it to National Taiwan University hospital... yes, yes... that's right... thank you..."

Yi Quan ended his cal. He sat on the couchand closed his eyes. It's been a month since he last saw Kelsi. He have been planning to personally visit her at the hospital, but with his hectic schedule, he was not able to do so. There something about Kelsi that made him think of her everytime. There's something about her... that seemed so familiar yet so different. Like how his hear beat whenever she's beside her... or how he smiled at the thought of her smiling face... or how warm her touch is or her angelic voice... it's something about Kelsi that he could not explain, or even his mind and heart could not comprehend.

He looked at his phone again. He just have to see her now. He felt like he's going to explode is he would not be able to see her at this instant. He dialed that same number again. "Hello... please cancel the delivery. I'll be picking it up..."

--

As he walked, everyone stared at him. Obviously, the people around him knew it was him, Zuo Yi Quan, Taiwan's heartthrob. Even though he have disguised himself in a cap and shades, people in the hospital knew it was him. He approached the nurse's station, hoping he would be able to see Kelsi here. And he was right. He saw Kelsi, reading a paper in her hand, probably a report on one of her patients. "Kelsi?" he called her. Kelsi looked up at him, and gave him a startled look. She was not able to recognize him. He took off his shades and smiled at her. "Oh! It's you, Mr. Zuo..." she said. Yi Quan smiled at her. "Please call me Yi Quan... and I hope you don't mind that I call you Kelsi instead of Dr. Ramirez." he said. Kelsi nodded her head, and gave him a faint smile. She could feel her cheeks turn into bright pink as Yi Quan talks to her.

"Anyways, Kelsi, are you busy?" he asked. She glanced at her watch, and she was relieved that her shift it almost finished. "Actually, my shift's about to end in a few minutes..."
"Great! I was thinking... maybe we could have dinner together..."

Kelsi looked at him disbelief. Wait, this is Zuo Yi Quan, the famous actor and singer. The guy she have been admiring since she saw his boyish face on TV. This is Taiwan's heartthrob asking him out. For Dinner. "Well.. I... ah... kasi... ahh... uhmmmm..." she stuttered. Slowly, the smile on Yi Quan's face started to fade. Maybe it was a bad time asking Kelsi out. "Well... it's OK if you're not free... I mean you're a doctor and I know you have a lot of things to do -"
"No!" Kelsi shouted. She didn'nt know it, but she held Yi Quan's hand. "I mean... Yes... Yes we can have dinner together..." she said. Then she looked at her hands, and when she saw how tight she held him, she let him go. Yi Quan smiled at her again. He was amused at her reaction. "Well then... it's a date." He said to her. "Let's go?" she asked. Yi Quan nodded her head. As they were about to leave, Kelsi realized she was still wearing her scrub suit. "Wait... wait... I can't go out like this... wait for me here I'll just change..." she said. Yi Quan laughed as he watched Kelsi hurriedly ran to their locker room. He knew being with Kelsi would be alot of fun...

--

"Where would you like to eat?" Yi Quan asked Kelsi while they were driving aroung Taipei. They were looking for a private place where they could have their dinner. "I'm not sure... we've been driving for almost an hour now... where do you really want to go, Yi Quan?" Kelsi asked. "Somewhere where the paparazzi can't follow us..."
"Are the paparazzi's that bad?"
"No, they are worse... especially when they flock around you."

Kelsi just smiled at him. She understand that Yi Quan just want to have time for himself that's why he's driving around to find a private place. Anyways, if the paparazzi would see them together, she knows they would not stop to haunt her down. She looked at Yi Quan who was busy driving around and looking for a nice restaurant. Then an idea hit her. "Yi Quan..." she called. Yi Quan looked at her. Then, Kelsi held his hand. "Do you trust me?" she asked. Yi Quan looked confused. "What do you mean?"
"If I lead the way, will you trust me? Don't worry, I'll make sure no one would follow us..."

YI Quan just smiled at her. "I trust you." he said.Kelsi smiled at him. "OK then, turn left at the next corner..."

--

They ended up in a small Filipino Restaurant in one of Taipei's busiest street. Well, the place is not much crowded now, and the only people around is the boss and his assistant. The moment Kelsi opened the door, the lady boss greeted her. "Kelsi! Long time no see! I see you brought a date!" she said as she noticed the guy beside him. Kelsi smiled at the lady boss. "Hope you're not closing yet..."
"Of course not yet, sweety!"
"Then great! Me and my friend would like to have your specialty..."

Yi Quan smiled at the lady boss as he took off his shades. The lady boss was shocked to find who he is. "Oh my God! Kelsi, di mo naman sinabi si Jason Zuo pala ang date mo!" the lady boss shrieked. Though he can't understand a word she was saying, Jason find it amusing. "Ok, ok... I'll cook you my specialty and it's on the house!" The lady boss said once again before she went inside the kitchen.

"You eat a lot here?" Yi Quan asked as he settled next to her. Kelsi smiled at him. "Of course. Taiwanese food is great, but I miss Filipino dishes a lot..."
"Then may I know what's your favorite food here?"
"It's chicked adobo..."

Yi Quan was surprised at her answer. During their stint in Manila, he also enjoyed eating chicken adobo, that he even asked for a recipe of it. "You're kidding! I love chicked adobo!" he said. Kelsi was surprised. "Really? I know how to cook one..."
"Then maybe sometime you can cook me some of those..."
"Sure, no problem. I'll cook for you when I have time."

After a few minutes, the lady boss came back with a dish of chicked adobo. The two wolfed on it as they talked about each other's lives. Kelsi soon find out that she and Yi Quan have a lot of things in common, like Yi Quan wanting to be a cardiologist. Both of them liked strawberry ice cream. They're a Bleach fan, and they both love Utada Hikaru and her song, First Love. "Can you sing a line for me?" Yi Quan asked her. "I have a terrible voice..."
"I don't mind... please? I love that song..."

Kelsi put her chopsticks down and began to sang the chorus part.
" You are always gonna be my love

 Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo 
 I'll remember to love 
 You taught me how 
 You are always gonna be the one 
 Ima wa mada kanashii love song 
 Atarashii uta utaeru made"

Yi Quan just stared at her dreamily as she sang. She had an angelic voice... something in her voice made him feel relaxed. Something in the way she sang have caught his attention... "I have a terrible voice, don't I?" Kelsi said. Yi Quan shook his head. "No... it's very... angelic..." Kelsi just blushed as he said that. "You really know how to flatter a girl..." she said in a low voice. Yi Quan just smiled at her. 

--

They were heading home, when it began to rain. "Hey, Yi Quan... have you tried playing in the rain when you were young?" Kelsi asked him. Yi Quan looked at her and shook his head. "I have always been sick when I was young. I wasn't allowed to go out when it rains..." he answered. It was sad, Kelsi thought. She remembered when she was young, she and Jeff would always go out and play in the rain. "Why don't you stop the car for a while. Quan..." Kelsi asked. Yi Quan gave her a startled look. "Just stop the car. You trust me, right?" she said again. Yi Quan nodded his head and stopped the car in the middle of the road.