the boy [space] friend

***maan will kill me for this...***

This might be the first and last time I'll write about this certain guy. I'm writing this so as to let him know that even though years have passed, I have never ever forgotten all about him. I have to admit, he will always be an important part of my life because I learned some of life's important lesson that I still can't understand until now - and that is about guys.

His name is Francis. I met him when I was in second grade. We were bus mates, and at the same time, classmates. We share nothing in common. Nothing, really. But for the rest of my grade school years, he was there with me. It's not hate at first sight. We play, we joke around, we buy food together, we had common friends. I didn't know why, but people started to tease us together. I hated the thought of him being teased to me, because I have an ultimate crush on my first grade seat mate that time. That's why whenever I can, I start a fight with him. I know he hated it when he's being teased to me, that's why he teases me "Ms. Piggy" just to annoy me. And oh yeah, he knows my deepest, darkest secret... and I try to bribe him so that he'll not tell everyone about it!

I remember in third grade, we used to sit together at the front seat of our school bus (or school Tamarraw FX). From what I remember, I was enjoying his company that time. We were talking about... hmmm... I forgot... maybe a cartoon we watched that weekend. I really don't know... but we sat next to each other, and we talked... just like how normal best buds would talk. Then, there's our bus mates behind us, teasing us again. "Uy... si Francis at si Kristina... uy!" After that, I got awkward to each other again and he never sat beside me again.

Fourth grade came. He became a popular kid because of his basketball skills and because he's one of the rowdy guys at school. We never talked, maybe because he thought he's way to cool to hang out with me. The fifth grade came, and our friendship was renewed. We were starting to get close again, then my stupid mouth ruined everything. My classmates and I were playing truth or dare. She asked if Francis is my crush, and becaue I want to keep my crush a secret (he's a guy in my school bus, a year older that me), I told her, "Yes". Then she started to shout what I said to her. I tried to stop her, but it was too late. Later at the school bus, he came up to me. I was asking him if he heard the news, and he just gave me this boyish grin. I explained to him that it was a game etc. etc. etc. and I told him he will never ever be my type.

We became classmates again in sixth grade. He sat behind me. We were always together, but we had our own set of friends. As days passes by, he became more annoying. He was my number 1 enemy, and so was I to him. But even though we have this hate-hate relationship, he always shows that he cares for me. He goes to my house once in a while, especially when I'm absent. He tells me about our assignments, and one time, he defended me from my friend-turned-enemy busmate. He was there, but I was never there for him. I left him hanging in the air. I don't know, maybe because I'm scared of what people will think about us. I tired of people telling us how good we look together, or some people who thinks he's my boyfriend.

We still kept in touch after we graduated. I do send him cards on his birthday, and I tried to set him up with my girl friends. My best friend even badgered me to make him my prom date, since I'm still dateless. But I never did. It took me 2 years to get away from people who thinks he's my boyfriend, and I don't want them to think that he is if he becomes my date. I totally forgot him when I met my first love. I totally forgot all about him when I had boyfriends. After high school, we never saw each other again.

There are a lot of questions in my mind when I think of him. What if my hate towards him really means that I am in love with him? Why would he always come at my house? Was he trying to court me? If so, why me? Her had a lot of crushes, and most of them are prettier than me. I can't believe he's the first friend who came to my house, and my grandma became so fond of him. What would happen if he became my prom date? Will I realize that he's much worthy of me than the guy who broke my heart? What if we became a couple? Are we still gonna be together? and why the hell am I even thinking about these things?

I guess these questions will remain unanswered. I'm looking forward to the day that we will see each other again. Hopefully, people would see us as a good friends instead of lovers. Yep. I hope people will see him as my boy friend. A good one. The one I want to treasure for the rest of my life...

P.S.

OK, so maybe I'm thinking a lot. I'm not even sure if it was Francis who stopped by my house last Sunday. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but when my mom told me about a guy looking for me, I suddenly remembered those happy times I had with Francis. It's just that I'm used to beating him up, annoying him, fighting with him... but then I realized I'm missing him as a friend. I miss running after him after he tells me how fat I am. I could use some exercise!

echoes of the heart

Sometimes we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts. We all fall in love and there are times when we love so much that we lose ourselves in our own emotions. More often than not, we wonder why there are love that grows old. We would start to search for answers and try to find where love has one wrong. But in the end, we find ourselves where we started for we cannot question love when it has its own reasons. Love will always be as it always has been silent, mysterious and deeply profound.

Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. We mistakenly have looked at love as a need to be fulfilled. But love is only a gift given to us. We should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the
strength to let it go when it decided to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it last and then freely open our arms when its time to
say goodbye.

When we fall in love with someone, we don’t want that feeling to end for it is everything we are, everything that we wanted to be. We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts. But, if it doesn’t then we should never let our lives be taken by it, for life should not end where heartaches begin.

There is always a reason why we have to move on. When we have to say goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever, let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart, for love will have to set it wings free and find the place where it belongs. We may have lost it but then again, when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts. We will hear that feeling, resounding silently forever.

Then well know that it has never left us, for the good that we have become because of love will always stay. It will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy, not because we have lost love, but because, for once in our lives, that feeling lived in our hearts and made us happy.

turning chinese... or taiwanese

I was never a fan of "Chinovelas" before. Never a fan of "Koreanovela" as well. There are only a few shows that I watched because the storyline is different. I admit, I only watched "Meteor Garden" just for the hype of it, but aside from that, I never appreciated other Taiwanese Series being shown on TV. I got to watch "Endless love 1: Autumn in my Heart" and "Winter Sonata" because of the tragic storyline (I've mentioned before I'm a sucker for tragic love stories). I'd rather watch "Autumn in My Heart" a dozen times rather than watch those mushy-mushy teleseryes being shown.

Some of the Taiwanese/Korean Series that I watched and really appreciated are:

• Frog turned into prince - simply because the story's heartwarming
• At the dolphin bay - just because Wallace Huo was sooo cute
• Autumn in my heart - it was soooo tragic, I watch it everytime GMA replays it
• Winter Sonata - I love the storyline, plus Choi Ji Woo and Bae Yong Joon.. hehehe
• Sweet 18 - I realize Lee Dong Gun is cuter when he's on GMA than on ABSCBN
• Save the last dance for me - again, the storyline is unique
• Full House - can't believe Song Hye Kyo could be funny
• The poor prince - Vic Zhou could be seriously funny, no pun intended.

There are some series that I would like to watch, but I never got the chance to like

• It started with a kiss
• I'm sorry I love you
• House husband
• Love contract
• My name is Kim Sam Soon

See, I only appreciate a few Asian series that was shown ever since the Asianovela fame started way back in 2003. There might've been a gazillion of it being shown since the "Meteor Garden" days, but I didn't try to watch it. Maybe I did, but it was because I'm waiting for the next show or I was waiting for the news.

Then, that fateful day happened.

I was channel surfing, and I got into this Chinese channel. A good looking guy and a cute little boy were playing around. Well, the cute little boy was dressed ike a cheerleader, while the good looking guy was jumping. I have seen the commercial of this series before, but since I can't understand Chinese, I was not sure at which time it's going to be shown. Good thing I always check that channel, and I was able to watch the series until it's end. Too bad, I was not able to watch it... but goog thing there's crunchyroll and youtube. I realized that the cute little boy in th series as a girl in real life, and she sings well. The good looking guy is part of a Taiwanese Boy Band. Their name - Ella Chen and Wu Zun. What's the title of the series that got me hooked on Asian Series: It's "Hua Yang Shao Nian Shao Nu" also known as "Hanazakari no Kimitachie" also known as "Hana Kimi" also known as "For you in full blossoms". Since the day I watched that series, I finally appreciated Taiwanese, Japanese and Korean Series.

Yup. My friends, Blame "Hana Kimi" for turning this cute little girl into a sucker of Asian Idol dramas. Blame this series for making me listen to Taiwanese Pop Songs that I could not even understand. Blame Ella Chen for getting me hooked on their band, Wu Zun's band (Fahrenheit) and for making me download T-Pop songs. Blame Wu Zun for making me idolize him, and for the sleepless nights he have caused me. Blame them for making me take up Japanese (OK. Now you're confused as to why I'm taking up Japanese instead of Chinese. It just so happens that Kanji is similar to Chinese symbols. That's why. And besides, I'll be taking up Chinese soon, if only I can figure out if I should take Mandarin or Cantonese...).

It seems that I know more about the Taiwanese Entertainment circle. I really don't care about Hollywood people, or our local artists. As long as I can hear news about SHE or Fahrenheit, or about Danson Tang or Ming Dao or Joe Chen... my day's complete. Sometimes, I would rather tune in to CTS, TTV, CTV, CTI and SETTV than tune in to the local channels. Of course, I can't understand what they're saying. There are even times wherein I talked Chinese in my dreams.

Guess this is my addiction now.

tumatakbo

Laging bigo, laging sawi sa pag-ibig
Minamalas o kay sakit
May balat nga ba ako sa pwet

Mabuti pa, and tindera sa aming kanto
Nakakainggit, tl ang sweet nila
Ng kaniyang nobyo

Gusto ko lang maranasang umibig
Tamaan ni kupido
Gusto ko lang maranasan ang langit
Tumibok muli ang puso ko

*
Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako ng panahon
Di na nagbago bawat araw pare- pareho
Parang kahapon
Tumatakbo...

May birthday cake ka nga
Ngunit wala namang kandila
May christmas tree na malupet
Wala namang dekorasyong pansabit

Sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay
Walang kasing tamlay
Ayoko sanang tumandang nag- iisa

(*)

Tatanggapin nalang ba ang malupet na tadhana
O kaya'y
Tatanggapin nalang na ako'y sadyang hindi pinagpala
Tigilan na ang drama
Punasan na ang luha

(*)

insomiac

i'm slacking off today, although i know today is a blackout day and i have tons of work to do. today is supposed to be my 1st day of work, but i still didn't have any sleep since i woke up at 3 pm yesterday. i don' know why... but i'll be absent simply because if i go to work today, it means i need to be awake for another 12 hours or so. i don't want to fall asleep during my shift or i'll get a CA... so better choose the lesser evil (which will only make me incur 2 attendance points... bye bye complimentary leave!) i know i still have 9 days to live, but why risk it... right?

how to get over a break up

Steps

1. Realize what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not all your fault. It takes two people to make a relationship start, and two people to have lead it to the break up.
2. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt and feel alone and feel like you have messed up. But you have to know that you are a good person and this is not all one-sided.
3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no IMing, and most importantly, no sex- not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
4. Think through everything in your head. Maybe even try to ask yourself what went wrong. But you also have to think of why you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn't a good one, then this person isn't worth your time.
5. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the "split" was. You may even feel like you hate yourself, but get out of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart for no reason.
6. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too and that you don't need this sort of pain.
7. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" what you're supposed to be learning from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
8. Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that.
9. Don't overreact. You may be feeling lonely, and want to be with someone, but don't go back to your ex unless you really believe you should be together. Likewise, don't jump into another relationship as a rebound, just to make yourself feel better. It's not fair to the other person, and will eventually lead to another breakup.
10. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
11. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and having hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was very unique and special in a lot of ways, all good things must come to an end. And when they do, that's when you see all the flaws in your relationship and that it's best that you aren't together.

Tips

• You have to walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you could give. If you feel all this and that you did your part, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you'll be just fine.
• Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now and if you should visit. Don't try to talk to him or her about the break up. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
• Listen to a song that makes you feel empowered and happy. Do it as often as you need to.
• If you want to save things from the relationship (letters, ticket stubs, that cute pink teddy bear), put it in a box. Put all of your other ex's things in the box, too. Look through the box every once in awhile; you'll see that yes, he or she was important, but you were you before that person came along, and you will be you now.
• Remember that your ex is trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that.
• As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do -- something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process and involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
• Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Before you find Mr. or Miss right, many relationships will have come and gone. Everything happens for a reason, so when you go through another break up, you're actually getting closer to finding your future bride or groom.

Warnings

• Don't look for distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache. You're *supposed* to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Ride it out--turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. You will feel better.
• If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask them questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
• Be wary of men who are willing to let you prove how sexually proficient you are. They will have as many feelings for you as wolves do for rabbits. All you'll be to them is a handy way to satisfy an appetite.
• If he has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to his level. It's pathetic and cruel--not to mention a huge turn off both to him and any others.
• Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life without him--don't exert the energy. Allow Karma to take care of everything on its own.

Things You'll Need

• You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:
  • A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
  • A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) Dogs and cats will do too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that bears are so good at.
  • Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower -- *sniffle* "who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?" --you WILL feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy, tear-stained faces.
  • Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)
  • Funny movies and absorbing novels can be a great temporary respite and laughter can really lighten your mood.
  • If you're one of the millions who try to fill that empty sad feeling through your mouth (which usually doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you just have to munch.
  • Your sense of humor and your knowledge that "this too shall pass".
  • Lots of tissues.

Life's lesson on love and men

The Hard Lessons on Love and Men...

1. A man won't let go if he really loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hung up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your
ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn't guard him enough or you didn't make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who didn't have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it. And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don't be scared that he'll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.

It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don't lose hope. Don't settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can.

Also, do not believe him when he says it's just the way he really is. He's not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.

Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife,
girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can't get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can't leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.

Do not steal another girl's man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.

Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn't come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle.

If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love.

Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don't be afraid to be single.

It's fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl.

Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you
happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits.

Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn't give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him.

Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one.

Act like you are the one. Don't be a nagger. Don't hinder his gimmicks. Don't give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don't be easy. Don't be like every other girl he had in his life.

sometimes

sometimes the most important thing that we get from a relationship is not the guarantee of

permanence but the lesson that we learn from it when it fails.
its not how much love we have received but how much love we have given.
its not how many times we have cried, but how much laughter we have shared.
its not how many times we were accepted but how many times we understood when we were rejected.
in the end,
its not how much happiness we have because of love,
but how much we have given.
love has great options, but you don't always have to pick what seem to be the best.
sometimes, the best and the perfect aren't always what makes you happy...

runaway

There are two instances in my life wherein I attempted to run away from home. The first one was when I was in Senior Year High. I secretly put an extension phone in my so-called new room so that I can talk to my friends on the phone till the wee hours of the night. I usually use it at night, especially when my lola and my mom were already asleep. My mom knew all about it, since I badgered her about this since the day I got my "new" room. I was very careful not to let my grandma know about it, because she'll be very mad. She doesn't want to have an extension line because she thought it will make our phone bill high.

One night, my mom have to stay in the office because of her boss's birthday. I made sure my grandma's already asleep so that I could use the phone. In the middle of a phone call, my grandma barged into my room, and saw what I was trying to keep in my room. She was very mad, as expected. She even accused me of talking to my boyfriend, and told me some nasty things which I forgot. Whenever she's mad at me, I usually snap back at her, but that time, I felt helpless. Not only helpless, I felt like I'm ice cream which is starting to melt. I want to tell her that I only want to use the phone at night so that I could call my friends, since it seems a little scary going down to the kitchen just to use the phone. I want to explain to her that it's easier for me, since she blocks some of my phone calls. I just cried that time.

After that, I went to my room and took my Hello Kitty coin bank. I started to take out all the money, and being a rebellious kid I was that time, I decided to run away the next day. Well, I was not sure where I could go. I was planning to go to my aunt's place or my friend's place or rent a room beside school. I had Php 3,000 in my coin bank, which I was saving up for a mobile phone. Good thing my mom came home. She talked to my grandma about what happened and explained why I had a phone in my room. She comforted me, and told me to put the money back to Hello Kitty. I told my mom I'm planning to run away because of what happened, but she stopped me.

Eight years later.

I was kinda worried since my mom still came home from her supposed 3-day stay in the province. I'm not aware if there's any accident that happened these past days. I'm already thinking of going to the province myself to check on my mom. I decided to call my aunt to check on her. I found out they left the province Sunday morning, and reached Manila yesterday. When I called my other aunt (the balikbayan one), the building manager told me she hasn't came home. When I introuduced myself, she called my mom's name, and voila! I find myself talking to my mom!

OK, now I'm really pissed off. I shouted at her on the phone for not telling her whereabouts. I was worried the whole time (and ok... I missed her. A lot) and she didn't even bother to tell me that they're already hear. I was mad at her. I woke up in the middle of the morning because I feel she's not yet around. So I was saying this to her:

"P---! Andyan ka na pala, di ka man lang tumatawag sa kin! Umuwi ka na! Pag di ka umuwi lalayasan kita!"

And to make matters worse (a.k.a. to further piss me off), she just laughed at me. Here I am, a worried daughter, trying to find my "missing" mom only to find that she's just a few kilometers away from our house! Well, I want to get my revenge, so I took my bag and stuffed my clothes inside. I was planning to lock the room when I leave for work so that she won't be able to come in (insert evil laughter here). I decided to go back to sleep after making the props. By 12 PM, she's already home, and she noticed the bag on my bed. She just said "Talgang lalayasan mo ako ha?" I told I her I would, if she still didn't come home.

After lunch and after taking a bath, I explained to her that the bag is just a props. I really have no plan to leaving the house because I don't think I will survive. So she just laughed at me. She promised me she won't leave the house for the whole week since she have to do some errands (Yippee!!!!). I also threatened to cut her allowance, but she told me if I don't give her money, she'll leave me... so being the good daughter, I had no choice but to give her the money.

Post It!

I was not able to post as regularly as before here in my Blogger account a.k.a. Multiply blog (since I cross post hehehe). Some things were keeping me busy lately. First, I've been searching for the goddamn "Romantic Princess" opening theme song (Chun and Ella singing together... weee!!!). My search ended up in a 1 minute and 33 second demo version of the song. Aside from that, I stupidly recorded the opening theme from the TV directly to my phone. Hehehe. Yes, I'm an obsessed fan. I already know that.

Second, I've made two new blogs. one is As Told by Keisi which pretty much contains some of my entries here. The second one is An Angels Realm where I post my stories and poems. Anyway, I'm also working on a series of short story that I will post on Winglin's 9,999 roses which aims to collect 9,999 short love stories before Valentines day of 2009. The idea is really good so I decided to join just for fun.

Third, I've been busy finding a someone's pic... whoever that is... well... he's the guy... uhh... hmmm... well... you know how I really really like Fahrenheit and S.H.E. right?

so basically that's the things that's been keeping and bugging me lately

Me and My Wild Imagination - Part 5 - What it takes to be rich

• A house, bigger than the Buckingham palace
  
• 7 Ferrari cars, 8 Lamborghini, 12 Limo, 20 SUVs
  
• A room almost as big as a house
  
• designer clothers and gowns
  
• Jewelries, tons and tons of expensive jewelries
  
• Foie gras for breakfast, caviar for snacks, Ice cream with black truffles for desert
  
• Maids and tons of maids ready to do your commands
  
• Partying with the high society people
  
• Being a cover girl for a for-rich-only magazine
  
• People talking about you, your life, and your lifestyle
  
• Vacation in Europe at least every weekend
  
• Shopping galore
  
• Having a black American Express card (you know... with the unlimited credit limit)
  
• Having your own personal jet in your own house
  
• Can speak 10 or more languages

OK, blame it on "Romantic Princess" that I'm starting to think about this things... God, make me win that lotto jackpot *sweat drop*

In search of a unique love story

Since the time I learned about the joy and pain of falling in love, I have been searching for a unique love story. I want it to be really tragic, something that's different (so meaning to say, the love stories that we have watched in "Teleseryes" are excluded), something that could touch one's soul, something that would make me want to relive the story over and over again, something that would give me a good cry (I badly needed it).

I've been telling this to my college bud, Ayanne. We're both suckers for tragic love stories, you know. She told me that the most unique love story would be your own love story. Come to think of it, I haven't heard anyone having this story yet: a girl, her best friend, a guy. The girl, madly in love with the guy, the guy courted the best friend, the best friend didn't like the guy, the girl still holding on for oh-so-how-many-years, hoping the guy would finally see her worth and love her for who she is, the several years later, the girl found out that that guy she's madly in love with is a gay. Yep. A gay. Have you heard of that story yet? Did it already became a plot of a soap opera? Nope. Not yet. It's very unique. And I'm not telling whose love story this is!

Maybe I have my own fair share of a unique stories - may it be from my mom and dad's love story, to my best-friend-forever's love story (I'm a fan), my lil sis's love story, my high school friends' love story, some random people's love story. There might be similarities with their stories, but the fact remains that it's still unique. Maybe because of the character, the circumstances, the setting, the background, the theme song (blech!), the era... but it's unique simply because... there might be two lovers who share the same story, but it will be one in a million, right?

I've heard countless of tragic love stories, and also made up one:

• From the guy who gave his eyes to the girl he loves
  
• the best friend who never told her/his friend about his feeling and acted as the bridge to the obejct of his/her bestfriend's affection
  
• the girl who secretly watches over the guy she loves
  
• the girl who left the guy because she's dying
  
• the guy who dies for the girl she loves
  
• etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Most of these stories made me cry, leaving me wondering, why can't they just tell each how they feel? Why does the character have to die? Why does she have to let him go? Why, oh why?! Blame that reaction for someone who have watched too much teen flick during her childhood, who started to believe that everyone will have a happy ending. Come to think of it... Semisonic said before that "Every new beginning come from some other beginnings end". So if it's a happy ending, then a new chapter will open... right? (too much logic, I guess...) OK, what I'm trying to say is that if something else will happen, then it's not yet a happy ending right? So, me thinks, what's the use of happy endings? (OK, now I'm pondering too much on this...)

That's the reason why I prefer tragic stories that those mushy love stories. Because who knows, in the next chapter, something great will happen. The lead may not end up with the guy/girl she loves, but she will eventually end up with someone that will truly make her/him happy. They may not end up together at this moment, but who knows what the future will bring to them. There's always hope of something great will happen. Yep, even the hope of having a happy ending. As Pacey (from Dawson's Creek) said, "If two people are meant to be together, it doesn't mean that they have to be together now." And if there is such a thing called fate, one day, fate will play a trick on them so that they could be happy for the rest of their lives... (now it's getting too mushy... and I hate it...)

Well, I'm still in search of a unique love story. I don't know how it will go, how it will it end, and who will the be the lead characters. I'm not sure how the plot goes, but I know, I want it to be something that I will play in my mind over and over again. (Note: Read between the lines. My subconscious mind is trying to say something...)

Bonding Time

I've said in my previous entry that I was not able to spend much time with my best friend as I could. Well, last Friday (my off), we chatted on the phone for hours. She called me at 9:00 am. I thought I was dreaming when I was talking to her since my eyes were still closed that time (read: sleeping). I was able to tell her about this new guy I met, and the IM conversation of her supposed-to-be-friend-whose-name-I-don't-want-to-mention. I was surprised when I realized that I was able to give her almost every details.

Later that night, she called again. Good thing, she's in San Juan that time. We got to talk about our lives, and since there was a preview of Romantic Princess on CTV, I asked her to check out the male lead. Well, I wanted to kill her when she told me he's not that cute, and she hates his eyes. Heee... that was the first thing that made me fall in love... er... like him. His eyes. I guess we just have our different opinions on his looks. Maybe for me he's the cutest and hottest guy on earth, and for her, his eyes were not that to-die for.

Anyway, I enjoyed our conversation though I really can't remember the rest of the things we talked about. It might be the last time I'll get to talk to her that long, since her shift will change this week, and my offs were already changed.

ang hirap mong hanapin!

grabe... ang hirap hanapin ng full version ng "xin wo" yung theme song sa "romantic princess" I heard wala daw itong ost eh kaya it's either lalabas yung xin wo sa 2nd album ng fahrenheit... huhuhuhuhu

Smiling for no particular reason

OK... I admit... I've never been this way since... since... uhhh... high school? college? Geez, today I am smiling for no particular reason... Maybe it's because of a message I've received, or because of my TM's b-day, or maybe... arrgghhh!!! sometimes I hate the feeling of a giddy school girl. Makes me want to puke... but then again I'm smiling. A certain someone just made me smile hehehehe Guess I'll be smiling all through out my shift... I hope my colleagues won't think I'm a psycho or something...

First Love - Utada Hikaru

Saigo no kisu wa tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irundarou
Dare wo omotterundarou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashi uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasouto shiteru
Wasureta kunai kotobakari

Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anatawo omotterundarou


You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place
in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever

===============================

Hmmmm... I think I could dedicate this to... hehehe

It's a buggy bug bug

A lot of things have been bugging me lately, and I guess the best way for me to let it out is to write it here.

Bug no. 1 - Japanese Lessons

Why is this thing buggin me? I'm not quite sure if it's OK with my lil sis to move our tutorials on Saturdays since I have to work on Sundays. Sensei Iris said that it would be better ifI ask Maya to do it every Saturdays instead. Anyway, it will really be lonely if I'm the only student she'll be teaching. I'm sure gonna miss the Sundays I spent with them - coffee at CBTL, dinner at Gateway, and Timezone. Geez, just thinking of timezone makes me want to hit the drums again and beat the UFO machine... hehehehe

Anyway, on our next meeting, we're supposed to have our test for Level 1. Two weeks has passed, and I haven't reviewed yet! How the hell am I gonna pass that exam? I guess I need to study all day this Friday for the exams. (and I fervently hope and pray that RTA would make Sunday my rest day... hehehehe)

Bug no. 2 - Taekwondo

I want to take Taekwondo lessons!!! Gee, since I watched Hana Kimi (wherein Rui Xi took Taekwondo lessons), I've been considrering taking Taekwondo instead of hitting the gym. Hmmm... not a bad idea ! Just imagine, me, kicking butts! Ha! I just hope I'll lose weight when I take Taekwondo. Can't wait... but I still need to find a school witha very reasonable price...

Bug no. 3 - Pie

Why is this girl bugging my mind? It just so happen that I wasn't able to spend as much time as I could with her. There used to be a time where I would see her everyday. That's when we're still in college, since our schools, Mapua and Letran, are just neighbors. I always go to their place in San Juan whenever I could. But since she already lives with her hubby and since she already have work, we don't get to see each other that much. It didn't occur to me that one day, I'll be missing her "pangungulit" over the phone, or her complaint about life and her hubby. That's why whenever she calls me, I make sure we talk a long time just to make uyp for it. OK, so I just saw her a few weeks ago, but for best friends, it's uncalled for. I 'm happy that she enjoys what she's doing right and she gained back her confidence after what happened to her.

Bug no. 4 - My Pad

I want to paint my room violet. A very dark violet, as if someone threw grapes inside my room. I want to buy a couch for my room, and I want to redecorate it...

Bug no. 5 - Homecoming and the confrontation

I don't want to face him. I don't want to hear him ask what's my plan, because the truth is, I don't know... Yes, he's a father figure to me, and he only wants the best for his niece. But, I don't want to be pressured right now. The last thing I need is someone telling me to get that stupid, damn diploma. I have been talking about my mom about it, and I told her that my work schedule might not allow me to go back to school since the journey to Mapua would take 48 lightyears if I ride a jeepney. And if I have to go back to school, I have to let go of my job. Gees, just when I'm starting to enjoy it again...

I guess he will never understand, since his two kids already graduated from college without having to work on their own. I'm not like them, and will never be. I know I'm just average, and besides, my heart does not belong in engineering anymore. If I will go back to school, I will choose another course that I will enjoy, not something that will just please them...

funny, how we try to convince ourselves and look forward to every milestone
that life would be better...
and we get frustrated everytime.
the truth is, there is no better time to be happy than NOW.
if not now, then when?
your life will always be full of challenges,
it is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy inspite of it all.
there isn't any road to happiness, HAPPINESS is the road...
enjoy every moment...

I'm a hornbeam tree

Find your birthday and then find your tree...
This is cool and somewhat accurate,
also in line with Celtic astrology.



Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Dec 31 - Apple Tree


APPLE TREE (the Love) -
of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction,
pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive,
always in love, wants to love and be loved,
faithful and tender partner, very generous,
scientific talents, lives for
today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.


ASH TREE (the Ambition) -
uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive,
demanding, does not care for criticism,
ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate,
can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy,
faithful and prudent lover, sometimes
brains rule over the heart,
but takes partnership very seriously.


BEECH TREE (the Creative) -
has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic,
good organization of life and career, economical,
good leader, takes no unnecessary risks,
reasonable, splendid lifetime companion,
keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)


BIRCH TREE (the inspiration) -
vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious,
modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the
vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm,
not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition,
creates a calm and content atmosphere.


CEDAR TREE (the Confidence) -
of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health,
not in the least shy, tends to look down on others,
self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others,
many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting
for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.


CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) -
of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed
sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat,
but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a
lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior,
feels not understood loves only once,
has difficulties in finding a partner.


CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness) -
strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give,
content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment,
hates loneliness, passionate lover which
cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered,
unruly, pedantic, and careless.


ELM TREE (the Noble-mindedness) -
pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands,
tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead
but not to obey, honest and faithful
partner, likes making decisions for others,
noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.


FIG TREE (the Sensibility) -
very strong, a bit self-willed, independent does not
allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family,
children and animals, a bit of a social
butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and
laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.


FIR TREE (the Mysterious) -
extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves
anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism
but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very
ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontented lover, many
friends, many foes, very reliable


HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary) -
charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows
how to make an impression, active fighter for social
cause, popular, moody, and capricious
lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.


HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste) -
of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste,
is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible,
leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for
kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner,
dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.


LIME TREE (the Doubt) -
accepts what life dishes out in a composed way,
hates fighting, stress, and labor,
dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting,
makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not
tenacious enough to make them blossom,
often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.


MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind) -
no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality,
shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident,
hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous,
has many complexities, good memory, learns easily,
complicated love life, wants to impress.


OAK TREE (the Brave) -
robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the
ground, person of action.


OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom) -
loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced,
avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful,
calm, well-developed sense of justice,
sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read
and the company of sophisticated people.


PINE TREE (the Particular) -
loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make
life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but
seldom friendly, falls easily in love but
its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything
disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.


POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty) -
looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous
if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings,
very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature,
good organizer, tends to lean toward
philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.


ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) -
full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications,
is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does
not forgive.


WALNUT TREE (the Passion) -
unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility,
difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate,
no compromise.


WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy) -
beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic,
loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer,
restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy
to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but
finds sometimes an anchoring partner.