This I know best (from GirlTalk)

This I know Best
By: Mariel Calalo

"Can friends be lovers?" Such is the lingering question that I would rather leave unanswered because not knowing actually makes me hope the answer is a definite yes. Coffee, however, and a dose of Frank Sinatra's music, does to me what beer can't. Coffee opens me up and allows me to ponder on such questions, and maybe actually lead me to finally give it a conclusion.

As I sip my tall, cafe mocha with one equal, my regular morning companion, I ponder on the question. Well, perhaps my initial answer would be "It's complicated." Let me disect the intricacies and complexities of such an arrangement.

To Know You Is To Love You (Or Not!). I think there is some truth to the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." Familiarity is a double edged sword. Familiarity means you know the best and the worst things about the person. Familiarity means he knows the best and the worst things about you. Such knowledge can and will be used either to your advantage or to deem you unsuitable. I think it's great that a person likes you, knows and loves the little eccentricities you have and allowing you to be as weird as you can be... But (yes, there is a big BUT coming), I think sometimes these are the very things that people consider in arriving at a decision that both of you would not be suited for each other. This is especially true if you want different things in life. Sometimes, knowing a person very well to the point of being able to read them like a book paralyzes you with fear --- fear of losing this comfortable, familiar, friendly zone, should things get serious yet eventually not work out. To this what I can say is, at least you know what you're getting into. Sometimes, it's better to know than be surprised. The thing about women and romantic relationships, we tend to want to change the man we have chosen and 20 or if we're lucky, 30 years from now, we look at the person from across the table and not have to say, "Wait I minute. You're not the man I fell in love with!" The thing about this knowing the good and the bad in a person is that we don't need to put up the idea that this man could be something else. The thing is we know the truth and we are more able to make informed decisions.

I Am Afraid of Ruining the Friendship. This is probably the most emphasized excuse used in dismissing confused friendships. However, think about this. You find this person who knows you, understands the little nooks and crannies of your complicated self, reads you like a book, understands you by just looking at you. Damn! You may very well consider him your soulmate! And then just because you're afraid of ruining the friendship you keep this lingering question to yourself and watch some other girl waltz in and sweep him off his feet with just a flip of her long, flowing black hair. Think about what you're losing if you don't tell him and then think about what you are gaining if you took the risk of telling him. If it's worth it, go for it. Even if this guy is just Mr. Maybe, you need to at least check it out, because this I know, sometimes with the right person, you don't always know it at very beginning. Sometimes, you don't hear violins and you don't feel magic as love grows. Sometimes it grows on you, silently, like a bad habit it gets you. And then so suddenly, bam! You're in love. Who knows? Don't swat it just yet. Who knows? Eventually, the caterpillar can turn into a butterfly.

And If You're Really Lucky... Ally McBeal turned to John Cage and said, "I think we're blessed. If they're as lucky as us, they would be able to have what we have." John turns to Ally and ask "What is it exactly do we have?" Ally responds "A true, platonic frienship." It broke John's heart but that's just the thing about friendship, honesty. Go ahead, free fall with the truth. If you took the road that leads you to answer the question raised with a clear "No" and are still able to remain friends, this I KNOW BEST, you're blessed. With some friendships, you know right there and then what the answer is. With some friendships, you need to take a journey to understand and know the answer for sure. Whatever the case, he's a blessing. If you're really lucky or maybe if you both work on it, you could have what Ally and John had too.