I'm scared...

I'm scared...

Because if there's one thing I fear most in life, is that I lose one of my important senses. I fear that I will become a useless person if I did. I don't want to be blind, nor deaf, nor mute. I would rather be numb for the rest of my life, or have the inability to smell. But I'm not ready to be blind, deaf or mute.

I need my eyes so that I can see my surroundings. I need my ears to hear the music and to listen better. I need my mouth so that I can communicate with other people. I guess all of us needs these parts of our body, but isn't it ironic that we tend to neglect these important parts? We abuse our eyes by staying all night in front of a TV or a computer. We abuse our ears by playing loud music on our mp3 players. We abuse our voice by shouting and by saying cuss words.

Why am I saying this?

It's because there is a possibility that I'm going to be deaf soon.

I have an ear infection in my left ear, and according to the doctor, it's already perforated. My right ear is swollen inside. The doctor told me that I should see a specialist so that my left ear can be saved. Then I asked her, is there a possibility that I'm going to be deaf? She said yes.

When she told me that, I was fighting the urge to cry. I am not a musician, but I am a person that appreciates music. I can't live with silence, that I know. There are sounds in this world that I love, which I know I won't be able to hear anymore when I become deaf.

I might not be able to hear his voice again.
I might not be able to hear my friend's laughter again.
I might not be able to hear her soft sobs again.
I might not be able to hear those familiar music.

These thoughts have been hunting me till I got to sleep early this morning. All possible things that will happen when I become deaf. I've been asking myself, what will happen to me? Will I be able to keep my job, despite my handicap? And most of all, my mom... I'm worried about her. I know I've been a burden for her for years, and it was only this time that I was able to make it up to her, and in the end she have to take care of me.

I'm scared...
I really am...

I know God has a purpose why He gave this kind of condition to me. And I'm yet to see why. I know He will never give me something that I would not be able to handle. Maybe this is just a test of my faith in Him.

--

Dear God,

I'm leaving everything up to You. You know what's the best for me.

--

I promise to be a better listener if I get through this...

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicles #34: let's do one crazy thing... one spontaneous, impromptu and crazy thing...

I don't know when this will end...
I don't know where will start...
I don't even know if I will survive...

March 25.

Set the date.

The adventure of a lifetime will begin...

I feel bad for ToGetHer

Golden Bell Award nominees are out.

I only got to see the nominees for Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Drama Series, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Supporting Actress. Honestly, I'm kinda disappointed. OK, you all know I am a big ToGetHer fan, and now a big DongLin fan... but it's very frustrating to find out that Rainie Yang wasn't nominated. She had two dramas this year, and none of them were nominated in the above categories.

I have not posted my review for ToGetHer here, but for you who have watched it, you will agree to me that her role as Chen Mo Mo is one of the most touching characters you've ever seen, right? I mean, I was moved when she sacrificed herself for Mars, so that he can be popular again. I cried when Mars sang "Mo Mo" to her, and admitted to his audience that he love her with all that he have. I cried when Jia Sen realized that his angel could not love him as he love her.

Maybe for some, ToGetHer is just an idol drama, but you see, unlike other idol dramas, it has depth. It's story is unlike the stories of other idol dramas out there. And Chen Mo Mo for me is the best character ever!

So, you wouldn't blame me if I feel bad as well when Rainie Yang didn't get to be nominated for her two dramas.

revsed edition ulit bago yung panibagong list

lets see kung ano ang nangyari at nagbago

1. bumalik ng school
2. mapromote - syempre paano mangyayari itetch ala na ako sa nco -> asa tier 2 na ako
   
3. bumili ng dvd player - meron na
   
4. movie marathon - ng? series marathon lang nga ginagawa ko eh
   
5. maglaro sa ulan
6. magkaron ng business
7. magpapayat -> seryoso na talaga to
   
8. live independently
9. pumunta ng baguio -> nakapunta na
   
10. maglakbay sa lugar na hindi pa masyadong napupuntahan ng mga tao
11. mahanap si "the one"
12. magsulat ng novel -> can you consider 99 paper cranes a novel?
    
13. sumali sa deal or no deal o sa game knb? -> muntikan na sa 1 vs 100
    
14. magkaron ng laptop -> meron na
    
15. magkaron ng kotse
16. maging pasaway
17. mag-aral magdrive
18. pumunta ng hongkong
19. mag-ipon ng P50,000
20. magpakulay ng buhok
21. magpahinga sa bahay ng 10 araw - more than 10 days na!
    
22. matutong magchinese -> may alam na akong konti lang
    
23. sumakay sa space shuttle
24. magkaron ng starbucks planner -> meron na
    
25. magbakasyon sa davao, boracay or puerto galera
26. matutong magdrums
27. magkaron ng dream satellite -> oks na ako sa destiny cable
    
28. magkaron ng credit card -> meron na
    
29. magkaron ng sariling bahay
30. makipag speed dating
31. bumili ng dream toy ko nung bata ako
32. sumama sa high school reunion
33. tumambay kasama ang mga da vinci - tumambay kasama ang FRH family
    
34. kumain ng fishball sa may wall
35. mamasyal sa wow philippines
36. magpicnic sa wall
37. libutin yung buong wall
38. sumulat kay joe d manggo
39. pinturahan ng violet ang kwarto
40. magretreat sa tagaytay
41. magoff pag holidays -> nagawa ko na
    
42. magkaron ng studio pic kasama ang tropa
43. mag-aral magbake
44. magbake ng cake at cookies
45. umattend ng kasal
46. magninang sa binyag
47. maging mommy
48. magshopping spree sa divisoria
49. magkaron ng latest na gadgets
50. maglaro ng maglaro
51. magkaroon ng normal na buhay
52. magkaroon ng 500 friends sa friendster
53. magroadtrip
54. baybayin ang magkabilang dulo ng edsa at c5
55. sumulat ng letter para sa mga taong minamahal
56. gumawa ng chain letter
57. manalo sa palanca award
58. bumili ng gown
59. magtrabaho ng walang break - ha! always ito!
    
60. magdrawing ng anime character
61. tapusin lahat ng novel na naiisip ko
62. magpasa ng script sa movie outfit
63. maging extra sa movie
64. gumawa ng short film
65. tapusin ang diablo 1
66. basahin lahat ng books ni danielle steel at dan brown
67. maghiking sa bundok
68. magstargazing
69. magpahula sa quiapo
70. makakuha ng dream job - i already did... but i really want to be a writer
    
71. magpunta sa aming tribo
72. makapagpublish ng book
73. mahanap at makipagkamay kay bob ong
74. magpunta ng disneyland
75. sumakay ng barko
76. magtagal sa isang kumpanya
77. umiyak sa kakatawa
78. magpaaral ng matalinong bata
79. maggym
80. magretire ng maaga
81. bumili ng maraming magazines at books
82. bumukod ng bahay
83. magtulog maghapon
84. sakyan lahat ng tren sa pilipinas
85. magassemble ng computer
86. gumawa ng malupit na web site or software
87. tumulong sa kamag-anak
88. tumaya sa lotto
89. libutin ang buong makati
90. pumunta sa sm south mall
91. pumunta sa the fort -> nakapunta na
    
92. gumimik
93. manood ng concert
94. manood ng shows ng mga stand-up comedians - done
    
95. bumoto ng hindi kilalang kandidato
96. magkaroon ng diploma
97. libutin ang buong maynila
98. bumili ng swimsuit - meron na?
    
99. mag-aral maghigh heels
100. matutong mag makeup
101. wala na!

Qi Xi Jie - The Night of Sevens

Qi Xi Jie - The Night of Sevens


Today is Qi Xi Jie - also knows at the magpie festival. This is being celebrated every seventh month of the seventh day in the lunar festival. Ancient beliefs told that on this day, the two forlorn lovers, Niu Lang, the cowherd and Zhi Nu, the weaver girl. I first heard of their story from Ariel Lin and Ocean Ou De Yang's song, Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu or "Lonely Northern Hemisphere" Here's Ariel Lin's MV of that song (which is the OST from her drama "Love Contract"). Coincidentally, her drama, "Love Contract", which also stars Mike He, is almost similar to Zhi Nu and Niu Lang's story. Please don't ask me what the story is, as I haven't watched it yet hehehe




And here's the translation of the lyrics

I use your “Good Morning” to accompany me during dinner time
Remember to deposit the yearnings into the piggy bank
I’m staring towards the sky of shining stars
I’m listening to cowherd telling the weaver girl to be brave

I’m not afraid that we’re both in opposing part of the earth
I’m watching your greetings and riding the magic carpet
Flying; you fly towards me with the speed of the light
You let me see that the Northern Star is accompanied by the Southern Cross

Lack of your arms as my pillows; I’m still not used to it
Your telescope cannot see; my loneliness here in the Northern Hemisphere
The tides of the Pacific Ocean are following the Earth circling back and forth
I will patiently wait until the day that you come ashore

Lack of your hugs as my heater; I’m still not used to it
The photos that I emailed to you didn’t show my loneliness here at Northern Hemisphere
It doesn’t matter how huge the world is, two true hearts will keep each other warm
I won’t be lazy at missing you
I’ll let you keep all of my dreams

As tradition, young single girls demontrate their domestic skills, especially in embroidering.

On Qi Xi, a festoon is placed in the yard and the single or newly married women in the household make an offering to Niulang and Zhinü consisting of fruit, flowers, tea, and facial powder (makeup). After finishing the offering, half of the facial powder is thrown on the roof and the other half divided among the young women. It is believed by doing this the women are bound in beauty with Zhinü.

Another tradition is for young girls to throw a sewing needle into a bowl full of water on the night of Qi Xi as a test of embroidery skills. If the needle floats on top of the water instead of sinking, it is believed to be an indication of the girl's being a skilled embroideress.

And yes, young girls can wish for a good husband. Hmmm... since I am young and single, maybe I can wish for a good husband myself, LOL!

And by the way, Qi Xi Jie is also called the Chinese Valentine's day. I'm not sure if girls can give chocolates to the guys they like on this day...

Anyway, I've first read Zhi Nu and Niu Lang's story in Wikipedia. And there's a lot of version to it.

"A young cowherd named Niulang (Chinese: 牛郎; pinyin: niú láng; literally "[the] cowherd"), came across seven fairy sisters bathing in a lake. Encouraged by his mischievous companion the ox, he steals their clothes and waits to see what will happen. The fairy sisters elect the youngest and most beautiful sister Zhinü (simplified Chinese: 织女; traditional Chinese: 織女; pinyin: zhī nǚ; literally "[the] weaver girl", who represents the star Vega) to retrieve their clothing. She agrees to do so, but since Niulang has seen her naked, she must agree to his request for marriage. She proves to be a wonderful wife, and Niulang to be a good husband. They lived happily and had two children. But the Goddess of Heaven (in some versions Zhinü's mother) finds out that Zhinü, a fairy girl, has married a mere mortal human. She is furious and orders her to return to Heaven. (In another version, the Goddess forced the weaver fairy back to her former duty of weaving colorful clouds in the sky because she could not do her job while married to Niulang, a mortal.) Down on Earth, Niulang is very upset that his wife is gone. Suddenly, his cow begins to talk, telling him that if he kills him and puts on his hide, he will be able to go up to Heaven to find his wife. Crying bitterly, he killed the cow, put on the skin. Carrying his two children with him, he went off to Heaven to find Zhinü. The Goddess found out that he had come and was very angry. Taking out her hairpin, the Goddess scratched a wide river in the sky to separate the two lovers forever (thus forming the Milky Way, which separates Altair and Vega).

Zhinü must sit forever on one side of the river, sadly weaving on her loom, while Niulang watches her from afar and takes care of their two children (his flanking stars β and γ Aquilae or by their Chinese names Hè Gu 1 and Hè Gu 3).

But once a year all the magpies in the world would take pity on them and fly up into heaven to form a bridge (鵲橋, "the bridge of magpies", Que Qiao) over the star Deneb in the Cygnus constellation so the lovers may be together for a single night, which is the seventh night of the seventh moon.

It is said that if it rains on the night of Qi Xi, it is the tears of Niulang and Zhinü crying at the misery of their life because the magpies will not come on a night that rains."

Another story tells the following:

Long time ago, there was a poor cowherd, Niulang. His parents died and he lived with his elder brother and sister-in-law, who were both mean and treat Niulang badly. They kicked Niulang out of the house and left him old clothes and an old ox.

Niulang built a cottage at the foot of mountain and took good care of that old ox. One day the ox spoke to him and told that it used to be Taurus, a proud star in the night sky but was published due to his violation to law of the Heavenly Palace. The old ox told Niulang some goodness would come to the pond not far away from his cottage for having a bathe; Zhinu was among them, who is daughter of king in Heaven, the kind and the most beautiful; If he could take her clothes away, she would left and become his wife.

Niulang listened to the old ox, and went to the pond at appointed day. When the goddness came and took off their silk ropes then jumped into the water. Niulang found Zhinu's clothes and hide away. Other goddesses witnessed Niulang and dressed up quickly and flew away, only Zhinu left. He had adored her from the first moment he saw her. They looked into each other's eyes. The heavenly girl told the poor cowherd that she would be his wife.

The soon got married lived together in that cottage. Niulang worked hard to grow crops and Zhinv raised silkworms. They lived a simple but happy life, with a little boy and girl Zhinu give birth afterwards.

One day the old ox died and they preserve the its hide according to its words left. At the same time, the king and queen of the heaven found that Zhinu married a man and had babies. The queen flew down to earth with her solders and caught Zhinu away. Niulang came back home and found Zhinu not at home, only the children left. The babies cried and told him where Zhinu was going. Niulang remembered what the old ox told him and placed the twins in wicker baskets on a pole to carry on his shoulder, put on the magic hide, and flew up, up into the sky. The queen noticed that Niulang was following them, she became angry, with wave of her arm, and a raging torrent immediately appeared between her group and Niulang. He could not get past this wide swollen river. Heartbroken, Niulang and his children could only look and weep bitterly. The King in his Heavenly Palace was moved by the sound of their crying, and decided to allow Niulang and Zhinu to meet once a year on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month.

This sad love story was passed down from ancient times, with little magpies were seen on double seventh day, as most of them fly to Milky River to form a bridge for the annual meeting of Niulang and Zhinu.

In ancient times, the double seventh day was an important festival for young women and young girls. No matter poor or rich, they would put on their best clothes and place an incense burner in the courtyard and lay out some fruit as offerings. Then all the girls in the family would kowtow to Niulang and Zhinu and pray for ingenuity.

Anyway, whatever the story is, maybe by now, Zhi Nu and Niu Lang must have already met. Maybe they have crossed that bridge that the fairies or the magpies have created for them to be together for a short time. At least on this day, this star-crossed lover would find their happiness even for just one day. Theirs was a sad story, not to tragic as Romeo and Juliet or as Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Ying Tai. Nothing can be more sadder than knowin that you love each other, that you know in your heart that the two of you are meant to be, but circumstances and situations won't let you be together. Maybe one day, Zhi Nu and Niu Lang will be together, when the Jade Emperor realizes that their love is stronger than anyone else.

As my favorite tagalog quote goes, "Darating ang araw na magkakasama sila ulit, pag tama na ang mali at pwede na ang hindi."

I wish I could find my Niu Lang as well... well I just hope mine would have a happy ending... but anyways, there won't be happy ending if there won't be sad parts, right?

The World Shuts Down

The World Shuts Down
By Tank

連你都會殘忍隔絕 我的心能要誰了解
Lian ni dou hui can ren ge jue Wo de xin neng yao shei liao jie
Even you cruelly isolated me, who will understand my heart?

眼中燭光搖晃著熄滅
Yan zhong zhu guang yao huang zhe xi mie
The candlelight is gradually going out in my eyes

為何把我推向邊緣 被砸壞了的一切
Wei he ba wo tui xiang bian yuan Bei za huai le de yi qie
Why did you push me towards the edge, everything that's been broken

卡住了我讓我無法往前
Ka zhu le wo rang wo wu fa wang qian
Blocked me so I couldn't move forward


囚禁在距離笑聲最遠的房間
Qiu jin zai qu li xiao sheng zui yuan de fang jian
Imprisoned in the room furthest away from the sound of laughter

單獨隔離 寂寞地盤旋
Dan du ge li Ji mo de pan xuan
Isolated in a spiral of loneliness


全世界都停了電 全世界都封了街
Quan shi jie dou ting le dian Quan shi jie dou feng le jie
The whole world's electricity has stopped The whole world has closed up its streets

我所有窗子外面 被貼上黑夜
Wo suo you chuang zi wai mian Bei tie shang hei ye
A black night has been stuck Outside all my windows

我吶喊思念 卻沒人聽見
Wo na han si nian Que mei ren ting jian
I cry yearning But no-one hears

絕望到極點剩的是疲倦
Jue wang dao ji dian shen de shi pi juan
Desperate to the extreme All that's left is tiredness

全世界都停了電 全世界白雪滿天
Quan shi jie dou ting le dian Quan shi jie bai xue man tian
The whole world's electricity has stopped The whole world's sky is full of white snow

才發覺在我心間 有回憶碎片
Cai fa jue zai wo xin jian You hui yi sui pian
Then I realise that my heart Has broken fragments of memories

一作夢翻身 就刺痛流血
Yi zuo meng fan shen Wo ci tong liu xue
When I dream and turn over I feel a stab of pain and bleed

我卷著身體縮成一個圈 像一個句點
Wo juan zhe shen ti suo cheng yi quan Xiang yi ge ju dian
I curl up into a circle Just like a full stop

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicle #32 - Definitely

It's official

I will die...

fat,

a spinster

unloved

and still a virgin

...
...
...
...


shit!

The One That Got Away

The One That Got Away
Source: The Manila Times
By: Mark J. Macapagal

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with… and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentially become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re
ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully, you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it
doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?” That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your
marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been”, but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not too late? Simple… find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is you “the one that got away.”

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away.”

“Everything happens for a reason…”

test lang

test ulit

the dance of life

There were two hearts who met in a dance. That moment was magical. There was a sweet
song playing, there was harmony and soon, love in the air. They fell in love and they started
building castles in their dreams and promised forever with all certainty. But somewhere in
the midst of the fun, they got lost in the dance, something went wrong but they can never do anything. They were just drifting away, their fortress falling apart. There were so many questions, but no one had an answer.

The music stopped and then there was silence.......

When we truly love someone, we give our best and let that person see the pureness of our
intention. But sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reason. That
someone must have loved us but he has not loved us enough to make him stand for what he
truly felt.

Now we are faced with the seemingly impossible task of forgetting. We have burdened ourselves
long enough but we still can't get out of this emotional trap. Let us remember that the more
we try to forget someone we love.....the more painful letting go will become.

Sometimes we never had to take that person out of our hearts at all, for he will always be there
no matter how hard we try to drive him away. It isn't his presence that makes this difficult. It is
our stubbornness to accept destiny that aligns forgetting next to impossible. We keep a cold
face but deep in our hearts, there is still that lingering hope for reconciliation . Somehow, we
still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire that once burned in our hearts.
These thoughts give us hope but it also breeds the seeds of loneliness and despair.

The only way to forget is to accept and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the
footprints of the past be blown by the wind of time. Only then can our hearts find a partner in
the dance of life and hopefully never get lost again.

joe d mango story

Joe D'Mango's Love Story.

Of course you've heard of Joe D'Mango. He gives advice on love and
relationships on Wave 89.1 ( Philippines ) . Have you ever wondered what he
does when he has his own love problems? Does he give advice to himself?
Does he handle it very well?

Three fridays ago, our guru on relationships, Joe D'Mango, read a letter
to his wife on his popular radio program Love Notes. For the past 11
years, he had been giving advice to people who would write him letters
about their personal problems. To the surprise of his listeners that
Friday, instead of reading one of his usual letters, he read one that he
had written himself to his wife Bing. Joe felt that he had to tell his
listeners that even someone like him could go through a marital crisis, but
that he survived it. Here's how his letter goes:

In our 11 years of marriage it was just the two of us. I never had a close
circle of friends and she never had one either. Life for us was just "you
and me," day in and day out. We were literally sleeping beside each other
for 11 years. It came to a point that there was nothing more interesting to
talk about. I was aware I was doing that but I never did anything about it.
We were so close yet it seemed like we were so distant. Then came her new
circle of friends.

They recently had an elementary and high school reunion. Remember her
persistent suitor since elementary days? He was there. We already had four
daughters and the guy had four kids of his own. They exchanged phone
numbers. They started to text each other and this bothered me. A big part
of it was insecurity and other part was that she once denied that she was
texting the guy.

I felt bad because she started hiding things from me. Then the guy asked
her if they could meet for lunch. It became a source of tension between us.
I finally agreed, but before that, I told her that I felt that I was going
through the same pain again. I have seen so many stories like this. If you
told me the first part of the story, I would already know where it would
lead to.

Bing accused me of being a "know-it-all" person. But deep in my heart, I
knew where she was heading. Why would a married guy see a married girl
unless it was for business or professional reasons? Finally, even if it was
against my will, I drove her to the meeting place.

While I was waiting at the radio station, I wanted to call her but knew it
wasn't proper. So I just waited for her to tell me how their meeting went.

When she related to me what happened I felt that she was keeping the other
details. I was afraid to ask because I wasn't prepared to accept her
answers. I told her that it would be best if that was their last meeting.
She got mad and told me that I was starting to control her life.

The following day, I saw a small, torn piece of paper that had the words,
"lose you" in the trash can at home. I started picking up the pieces of
paper and putting them together. She had written: "Felt sad because I felt
that this will be our last meeting." "Wanted to hug you..." Before I could
figure out what the third one was, Bing was already at my back. She wanted
to get the torn pieces of paper back. She said it was private property. We
decided to talk.

By then, I was able to figure out the third line: "Not sure if afraid to
lose you." She had crossed it out and beside it, she had written, "Wanted
to cry."

That was what hit me. How could you lose something that's not even with you
yet? That was a confirmation that she was getting emotionally attached to
the guy. We fought because she didn't want to admit it. She said that what
she had written was all about friendship and not about love. For the first
time in our marriage she asked for freedom from me. For 11 years we were
always together, and now this.

She had discovered her own little world and wanted to explore it. I didn't
want to give it to her but finally I gave in. I told her that she could do
anything she wanted and not worry about how I would feel. In fact, I told
her that I was planning to leave her and kids for a while so we could give
each other the chance to be alone. We decided to give the new arrangement a
try.

The following day, Thursday, I went to work early and she texted me. I
never answered back. When I didn't respond, she called me. She said, "I'm
sorry. I love you and I miss you." For the first time in our mariage I
said, "I love you and I miss you too" with tears in my eyes.

I realized how much I loved her but I also knew how much she wanted her
freedom. When I arrived at the station I asked for a leave. My boss advised
me to think it over, but he said that he would allow me to go on leave.
After letting it all out I felt relieved. It was the first time in my life
that I asked for advice about our relationship.

While I was talking with my boss, a messenger arrived with 12 white roses
arranged in a basket. It came from Bing. Then a text message on my
cellphone came, "I know that no material things can ease the pain that
you're feeling right now, but these flowers signify my pure and sincere
intentions. I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."

Still, a question continued to bug me: "I'm giving you the freedom. Will
you choose to stay or go on?" I read the card, and it had the answer to my
question: "Dear Dad, I finally realized that I made a very big mistake in
choosing a new-found friendship at the expense of our long-time friendship.
Please forgive me. I wil always love you."

Bing called the guy and told him that she wanted to end the friendship.
He said that they could just text or call each other. Bing said that there
was no need.

We had dinner and talked up to 1 am. It was like getting married all over
again. We lost each other and found our way back. I do not want to go
through the same pain again.

Friday came and it was the first time in the history of Love Notes that I
couldn't do Love Notes. I scheduled a replay. When I was at the station at
9 am, I composed a letter to Bing. I was asking myself, should I read this
or do a replay? I chose to read the letter. It is not unusual to hear
people say "I love you because...," but this story has shown us that the
deeper and greater love is having to say "I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF..."

just when i thought it's over...

you do something that make me want to love you all over again...

shit... ayoko talaga ng ganitong feeling...

shit...

di na ako makapgtrabaho...

feeling ko napapranoid na ako. ako ba ang dahilan? ako ba ang dahilan bat nagkakaganyan ka? sana ako na lang... sana ako na lang para may dahilan ako para maging masaya. sana ako na lang nga para tumatak sa isip ko na may halaga ako sa yo...

sana nga ako na lang...

bakit? sabihin mo sa kin, bakit?

May 26, 2009

Nagleave ako ng message sa yo. In English. Sa ayaw kong mag chinese eh, malay ko ba kung maiintindihan mo yung chinese ko? tapos, sabi ni mei mei nag log in ka, eh amputsa kakaleave ko lang ng message sa yo...


bigla kang na english...

tapos may english na lahat ng posts mo...



BAKIT???



iniisip ko ginagaya mo lang si kuya, pero hindi rin eh

the last time na nakita kitang ganyan, sa wretch blog mo pa...


Bakit ka biglang nagenglish???

bakit? sabihin mo sa kin, bakit?

paquiz lang hehehehehe

a) ano ang english name ni lin lai sui?
b) mv ng anong kanta sa anong drama series ang inispoof sa ISWAK? (dalawa ang sagot dito)
c) ano ang tunay na dahilan ng pagkagiba ng bahay nina xiang qin?
d) sinong actor yung nagdub kay chun sa tokyo juliet
e) sang drama series bida yung actor sa question d?
f) ano ang pangalan ng house na pinuntahan ni mei-chan at mame shiba?
g) sa reaching for the stars, ano ang english name (yung tunay na pangalan nya) ng kababata ni lei lei sa reaching for the stars? (clue: english name na binigay ng qtv sa kababata nya, hindi yung ginamit nyang name nung nagpakilala sya)
h) ano ang binake ni riiko sa absolute boyfriend special kapalit nung dapat na ibebake nya sa presentation nila?
i) kelan ang birthday ni jin xiu yi? (hindi yung actor na gumanap na jin xiu yi... si jin xiu yi mismo)
j) ano ang title ng movie/series na finifilm ni danson ngayon?


post nyo lang dito yung mga sagot nyo. first person to answer correctly all of the above questions, may prize sa kin sa eb

what's with today?

alam ko bday ng mama ko... pero bat parang may something sa araw na ito? gaya nung nakalimutan ko yung id ko sa bangko. nasa kamuning na ako nung naalala ko sya. pagbaba ko ng jeep saka naman may dalawa - I REPEAT - dalawang fermina express na aircon na bus. at dahil kailangan ko yung id ko dahil 1) nakasabit yung susi ng pedestal ko dun 2) nakasabit yung susi ng kensington lock ko dun 3) wala akong ibang id na dala bukod sa maxicare ko at di ako makakapasok ng rcbc plaza - eh no choice ako kundi balikan yung id ko. buti na lang talaga bukas pa yung bangko

pero bago yun, nawawala naman yung sss id ko. amputch. kung kelan naman maglilipat ng bahay, ang daming nawawala. so hinanap ko pa yun. tapos on the way to work, nagtext si gerald na di sya makakapasok. eh medyo nagcocontemplate ako na wag na pumasok dahil uber late na ako at di pa ako nakakapag impake. tapos sinabi ng nanay ko sa sunday na lang daw kami lilipat.

sounds familiar? parang nangyari na "http://weepingangel25.multiply.com/journal/item/50/Friday_the_13thito dati...

Here we are again...

Eto na naman tayo...

I'm writing this letter to you, although there's a slim chance you would be able to read this. But nevertheless, I'm writing this to you.

I miss you.

You know that I do.

You know that we have been together for more than 10 years. We have been through thick and thin. We've seen each other at our worsts and at our weakest. We have shared each other's thoughts and secrets. Andun ako para sa'yo nung panahong nagrerebelde ka. Andyan ka naman para sa kin nung panahong may problema ako. We give each others advices that we don't seem to listen to. Gaya nung sinabi mo sa king kalimutan ko na sya. At gaya ng panahong sinabi ko sa yong makinig ka sa mama mo. Ikaw yung takbuhan ko pag kailangan kong umiyak. Ganun ka rin sa kin. Mas madalas ikaw yung ganun sa kin. In you, I find the courage to make the most crucial decisions of my life. May mga times na mas nauuna ka pang makaalam ng magagandang nangyari sa buhay ko kesa sa nanay ko.

Palagi tayong may tampuhan, kasi may mga bagay akong nagagawa na nakakasakit sa yo. Pero minsan, ganun ka rin naman. Nagkataon lang na ako palagi kitang iniintindi. Ako, minsan hindi mo ako naiintindihan. Gaya na lang nung nagtampo ka sa kin dahil di kita sinamahan mag-apply sa trabaho. Sige, sabihin na natin na ma excuse ako kaya di kita nasamahan, kasi nung mga panahon na yun alam mo naman na wala akong ibang maaasahan sa trabaho. Gaya rin nung panahong nagkasagutan tayo dahil sa isang bagay na gusto mong gawin na kinontra ko. Kumontra ako kasi alam kong may mga bagay pang pede mong paglaanan ng panahon at pera.

Ngayon, nagalit ka sa kin ulit dahil di kita pinagbigyan sa isang bagay. Kung di man kita napagbigyan, I'm sorry... Sorry kung naging maramot ako.Sorry kung sa palagay mo hindi kita pinagkakatiwalaan. Yung totoo, buo ang tiwala ko sa yo. Yung totoo, hindi lang ikaw ang may problema sa ganung aspeto. I'm sorry kung sa palagay mo di ako naging mabuting kaibigan dahil hindi kita napagbigyan. At nang dahil dun, halos kalahating taon ata tayong di nagusap. Kung dati, linggo lang yung binibilang, ngayon alam kong galit na galit ka sa kin kasi ilang buwan mo na akong di kinakausap.

Kung mababasa mo man ito, sana maintindihan mo ako. Sana magkabati na tayo. Namimimiss na kita, at namimiss ko na rin yung batang halos itinuring ko na ring parang anak...

Magiisang taon mula ngayon

Mga ganitong panahon last year, naghahanda na kami sa pagdating nyo. ginulantang kasi kami ni kuya sa sinabi nyan, oo am bi to na sya...

haaayyyy


ambilis ng panahon

Training...

Shet training na next week... whole day the whole week kasama si... siya basta sya yung kinatatakutan kong tier 2...

isa pang nakakatakot

mga seniors kasama naman... kakatakot baka mamaya pag nagtanong kami sa kanya, barahin kami nung mga seniors