The Four Seasons of Love - Part 4

Part 4: Autumn – Three Words

If loving you is wrong,
Then why does it feel so right?

--

He stared at her innocent face. He gently caressed her cheeks as he watched her slumber peacefully. It’s only during this time that Chun could let her feel how much he loves her. He smiled to himself as he tries to remember since when he started to feel that way towards Qiao En - maybe since they were still kids. She is his first love, and she will remain to be her only love.

As the truth dawned onto him, his smile slowly faded. Although he loved her so much, he could never let Qiao En know about it. He can’t let the whole world know about it. Then, Qiao En let out a soft moan. Maybe she’s dreaming, he thought. He wondered what could be her dream. Is it possible that she’s dreaming of him, just like how he dreamed of her every night? But it would be impossible… Qiao En would never dream of him..

“Ge ge…” he heard Qiao En say. Chun held her hand to assure her he’s there beside her. “I though you left…” she said groggily, then she smiled at him. “I promised you I’ll stay here till you wake up…” he said. “I know you could never resist your little sister…” she said, then she went back to sleep. Gently, he kissed her forehead. He looked at her face and stared at her lips. He was trying to resist kissing her lips. He have always wanted to kiss her, but it would be wrong, Everything that he feels for Qiao En is wrong – in the eyes of their family, in the eyes of everyone, and in the eyes of God. But what can he do? He can’t help but fall in love with his sister…

--

Chun waited for Qiao En outside the school. Today is a special day for him, because he finally decided to tell her how he feel. He doesn’t know what will be her reaction, or what will be the consequences of his action, but he know he’ll regret it if he won’t be able to tell her before he leaves for college. He smiled at the thought of her innocent face. Ever since they were kids, he knew he love her more than a sister. He was hesitant to tell Qiao En that he loves her, but with the advice of his best friend, Yu Wei, he finally decided to let her know what’s inside his heart.

“Tell her how you feel…” Yu Wei said one afternoon as they watched Qiao En practice for a school play. He looked at him with sadness in his eyes. “You know I could never do that…” he said in a low voice. “You know our situation, right?” Yu Wei just sighed as he looked at Chun. “I know the situation, and I know everything is wrong… but you could at least let her know. You’ll never know if she feels the same way for you…”
“Yu Wei, she’s my sister. We’re blood-related. If I tell her that I love her, she’ll take it as a brotherly love…”
Yu Wei smiled at his friend and he put his arm around his shoulder. “It’s worth the risk… trust me.”

--

Qiao En hurriedly ran towards the school gate to meet her brother. That morning, Chun told her that they will go somewhere for he have to tell her something important. She saw Chun standing near the gate. She smiled to herself. Today, Chun is more handsome than the past few days. Maybe he really prepares for this day. “I wonder what it is he’s going to tell me…” she thought. She imagined that Chun will be telling her he loves her, not as a sister, but more than that. But then, she realized that could not happen. Chun dotes on her because she’s his favorite, albeit, his only sister, but with his sweetness towards her, she can’t help but fall in love with his brother.

Or maybe he will tell her he was accepted at the university he wanted to go to. The though of him leaving for college pains her, but she knows her brother will be back once in a while. Or maybe he’ll tell her he already have a girlfriend. Qiao En’ smile faded at the latter thought. Eventually, Chun will get himself a girlfriend, and all his attention will be diverted to the other girl, She couldn’t bear the thought that Chun would love another girl. She’s just not read for it, and she will never be…

--

“Ge…” Qiao En called when she got near to Chun. Chun looked back and smiled as he saw Qiao En. “Hello, Mei Mei…” he said. Qiao En smiled back at him. “So where’s your girlfriend?” she asked. Chun gave her a confused look. “What girlfriend?”
“The one you want me to meet?”
“Meet? What do you mean?”
“You told me you’re going to tell me something important, so I assume you want me to meet your girlfriend. Besides, it looks like you really prepared for this…”

Chun just laughed at what she said. His sister gave him a startled look. “Silly girl…” he said as he rubbed her head. “I don’t have girlfriend. Yet.”
“But… but what is it that you want to tell me?”
Chun smiled at her and held her hand. “You’ll find out soon.”

--

They went to the park near their house. As they were walking, Chun was rehearsing in his head what he was about to say to Qiao En, but it seems the lines that he thought up are awful. “It’s harder that I thought…” he thought. Qiao En noticed that Chun was silent along the way. “Ge, is there something wring?” she asked. Chun looked at her and smiled. “No, Qiao En. I’m just rehearsing what I’m about to tell you…” he explained. Qiao En just smiled at him.

Then, Chun saw a flower stand at the other side of the street. He decided to buy one for Qiao En and give it to her. “Qiao En, wait for me here. I have to go at the other side.” He said. Qiao En just nodded her head. She watched as Chun ran on the other side, then she realized that Chun dropped his wallet. She took his wallet from the ground and ran after Chun. “Chun!” she shouted. But as she ran, she didn’t notice the car behind her…

--

Chun ran to the other side and bought her a long stemmed rose. Then, he realized his wallet was missing. As he looked back, he heard a loud screech, followed by a loud thud. He looked back, and he saw Qiao En lying on the road, with blood all over her body. He felt like his back was poured with cold water with what he saw. “Qiao En!” he shouted. He ran after his sister who was lying lifeless on the ground. The car that hit her ran away. that moment that he saw her he was scared to lose her.

He took her into his arms and tried to wake her up. “Qiao En.. Qiao En.. wake up!” he said nervously. Qiao En slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him, then she shut her eyes again. “Qiao En.. Qiao En we’ll get you to the hospital! No!” he shouted. He shouted for help, hoping somebody would help him save the girl he loves…

--

Chun knelt before the chapel’s altar that evening. They rushed Qiao En at the hospital, and the doctor said that her injuries are severe, that she might not make it. Tear fell from his eyes as his fervently prayed to God. “Lord.. I know it was wrong for me to love her…” he said. “I know I shouldn’t feel this way towards my sister… but I really do love her… please… please don’t take her away… please don’t let her die… please Lord… take me instead. Take me as her replacement. I will sacrifice my life for her…” he prayed.

Then, his father came inside the chapel, and sat beside him “Son…” his father said. He wiped the tears in his eyes and looked at his father. “Qiao En’s awake… she’s going to be OK…” Chun nodded his head and smiled. Then he looked up at the cross. “Thank you…” he said. He knew he have to keep his promise.

--

“Are you sure?”
“Yes I am very sure about my decision…”
“But you are their only son…”
“This is my sacrifice…”
”Have you told her yet?”
“She doesn’t have to know… And she will never know…”
”But… but why do you have to do this?”
“I asked Him to take me instead of her… That’s how much I love her…”
“Then good luck to you… I hope you will be happy with your decision…”

--

Qiao En stood by the garden with tears in her eye. Today is the day that Chun will leave. A week later, she found out that Chun decided to be a priest, and today, he will enter the seminary. She regret not telling him how much he loves her, for she never had a chance. Chun was busy fixing his papers, and it seems that he avoids her since that accident. “Chun… if you only knew how it breaks my heart to see you leave…” she thought.

“I knew you’ll be here…” he heard a familiar voice say. She turned around and saw Chun walking towards her. “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to your brother?” he asked. She looked up at him, and began to cry. Chun hugged her tight, his tears falling down his cheeks as well. “Remember what I promised you before? I’ll be back once in a while…”
“But you’re leaving to enter the seminary, not for a university, Chun…” she said. Chun closed his eyes. “If you only knew the reason why, Qiao En… this is for you.. this is my sacrifice for you…” he said in a low voice. He looked at her, then gently kissed her on the forehead. “I know I will never love another girl aside from you…” he said silently. “Chun… I can’t even tell you how I feel before you leave…” Qiao En thought.

“Good bye, Qiao En. I’ll see you when I’m already Father Chun Wu…” he said. As he walked away, Qiao En cried again. “Chun.. I love you…” she said silently. She understand that those words are forbidden for her to say to him.

As he turned to leave, tears cascaded in his eyes. “I love you, Qiao En…” he said to himself. “I will always love you…”


THE END