Quaterlife Chronicles #2: My worst fear

I am turning 25... getting old yet again in a few months time. I had new friends, did the craziest thing i could think of, made my dreams come true, finally saw my idol in person (oh yes, Chun will always be part of my blog!), changed company, changed worked, changed wardrobe, planned for the future...

But I guess with all the good things happening in my life, something is missing...

Something that I've always longed for....

I am happy that I have lots of friends. I am happy that I have my mom. I am happy that I have my job...

But then again, something is missing...

I don't know if I will ever find it...

And I'm scared that as years passes by... in case I haven't found "it"... I'm scared that I'll be growing old alone... old, alone, as a spinster.

I don't want to hurry up, but the clock is ticking and I am not getting younger anymore...

GOD... I AM TURNING 25

Then I'll turn 30, then 40, then 50...

Days and years will pass and I am unsure if I would be able to find the one God had prepared for me...

Is it because I have high standards in guys? All I'm asking is someone like Zuo Yi Quan or Qin Lang or Yang Jia Jiang... that's all! To summarize, I just want a guy who would always be there for me when I need him... someone who would take care of me, and someone I could take care of... Someone who I could rely on and someone whom I can hear my thoughts out. That's all... and maybe it's too much to ask... is it?

Is it because I don't dress up always or fix myself? God, I hate wearing makeups and jewelries. I hate high heels. I hate skirts and dresses. I am a shirt-jeans-sneaker gal. Should I blame the practice in my old school where they don't allow us to wear any jewelries or makeup? Or should I blame myself for being too boyish and childing during my teenage years?

Is it because I am aloof wityh guys? Because since I was a kid, I always thinks boys are my enemies? Should I blame myself for studying in an all-girls school without any interactions with guys?

IS IT BECAUSE I AM FAT AND UGLY???

Haaayyyy.... just don't mind me... it's just the hormones and the wild imagination...