Of Love and Men (from GirlTalk)

The Hard Lessons on Love and Men…
by Aileen Endaya

1. A man won’t let go if he really loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hang up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn’t guard him enough or you didn’t make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who didn’t have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your “supposedly” perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you’d go for a guy. It’s perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it’s worth it. And it’s worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don’t be scared that he’ll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.

It’s a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it’s the guy who’s calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it’s a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don’t lose hope. Don’t settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can (*wink*).

Also, do not believe him when he says it’s just the way he really is. He’s not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.

Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can’t get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can’t leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.

Do not steal another girl’s man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.

Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn’t come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle.

If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love.

Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don’t be afraid to be single.

It’s fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl.

Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits.

Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn’t give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him.

Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one.

Act like you are the one. Don’t be a nagger. Don’t hinder his gimmicks. Don’t give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don’t be easy. Don’t be like every other girl he had in his life.

This I know best (from GirlTalk)

This I know Best
By: Mariel Calalo

"Can friends be lovers?" Such is the lingering question that I would rather leave unanswered because not knowing actually makes me hope the answer is a definite yes. Coffee, however, and a dose of Frank Sinatra's music, does to me what beer can't. Coffee opens me up and allows me to ponder on such questions, and maybe actually lead me to finally give it a conclusion.

As I sip my tall, cafe mocha with one equal, my regular morning companion, I ponder on the question. Well, perhaps my initial answer would be "It's complicated." Let me disect the intricacies and complexities of such an arrangement.

To Know You Is To Love You (Or Not!). I think there is some truth to the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt." Familiarity is a double edged sword. Familiarity means you know the best and the worst things about the person. Familiarity means he knows the best and the worst things about you. Such knowledge can and will be used either to your advantage or to deem you unsuitable. I think it's great that a person likes you, knows and loves the little eccentricities you have and allowing you to be as weird as you can be... But (yes, there is a big BUT coming), I think sometimes these are the very things that people consider in arriving at a decision that both of you would not be suited for each other. This is especially true if you want different things in life. Sometimes, knowing a person very well to the point of being able to read them like a book paralyzes you with fear --- fear of losing this comfortable, familiar, friendly zone, should things get serious yet eventually not work out. To this what I can say is, at least you know what you're getting into. Sometimes, it's better to know than be surprised. The thing about women and romantic relationships, we tend to want to change the man we have chosen and 20 or if we're lucky, 30 years from now, we look at the person from across the table and not have to say, "Wait I minute. You're not the man I fell in love with!" The thing about this knowing the good and the bad in a person is that we don't need to put up the idea that this man could be something else. The thing is we know the truth and we are more able to make informed decisions.

I Am Afraid of Ruining the Friendship. This is probably the most emphasized excuse used in dismissing confused friendships. However, think about this. You find this person who knows you, understands the little nooks and crannies of your complicated self, reads you like a book, understands you by just looking at you. Damn! You may very well consider him your soulmate! And then just because you're afraid of ruining the friendship you keep this lingering question to yourself and watch some other girl waltz in and sweep him off his feet with just a flip of her long, flowing black hair. Think about what you're losing if you don't tell him and then think about what you are gaining if you took the risk of telling him. If it's worth it, go for it. Even if this guy is just Mr. Maybe, you need to at least check it out, because this I know, sometimes with the right person, you don't always know it at very beginning. Sometimes, you don't hear violins and you don't feel magic as love grows. Sometimes it grows on you, silently, like a bad habit it gets you. And then so suddenly, bam! You're in love. Who knows? Don't swat it just yet. Who knows? Eventually, the caterpillar can turn into a butterfly.

And If You're Really Lucky... Ally McBeal turned to John Cage and said, "I think we're blessed. If they're as lucky as us, they would be able to have what we have." John turns to Ally and ask "What is it exactly do we have?" Ally responds "A true, platonic frienship." It broke John's heart but that's just the thing about friendship, honesty. Go ahead, free fall with the truth. If you took the road that leads you to answer the question raised with a clear "No" and are still able to remain friends, this I KNOW BEST, you're blessed. With some friendships, you know right there and then what the answer is. With some friendships, you need to take a journey to understand and know the answer for sure. Whatever the case, he's a blessing. If you're really lucky or maybe if you both work on it, you could have what Ally and John had too.