Can't Let Go

She stared outside the window. She watched as the rain started to fall from the sky. Maybe, heaven is on her side right now. As the rain started to pour, tears began to fell from her eyes. She looked back and saw their wedding picture hanging on the bare wall. She stared at it for a long time, she stared at Calvin's face. She could understand why he was not smiling in that picture... on that special day. The day they got married is the day she took him away from the girl he really loved. It was the day she have trapped him into a loveless marriage.

She reached for his face, and caressed it. "I'm sorry..." she whispered. "I'm sorry for everything..." If only that night didn't happen... If only she was satisfied with just being his friend... if only she have not love him... if only she have not carried his child, then maybe, just maybe, she will not be feeling miserable. She would not have felt this kind of pain, and she would have not hurt the man she loves the most.

She turned to the side table, and stared at the the white envelope lying on it. She smiled, then she wiped her tears. It was a hard decision for her, to turn her back from everything that she have always dreamed of. But if this means his happiness, then she's ready to take the risk. She have to let him go... She have the let him have his happiness, after all, that one thing that binds them together is now gone - his child.She took off the ring from her finger and placed it on top of the papers. It's time to let go...

She took took her luggage and began to walk. As she took a step, she realized it's hard to walk away from everything. When she reached for the door, she realized it's harder to let go... to give up... but she was left with no choice but to do this, so that she could save whatever it left of with their friendship... at least...

She took a deep breath and walked out of the room. She decided to walk out of his life. She knew one day he will thank her for making this decision... even though it's breaking her heart. One day, she will learn to move on... and one day she know she will find her happiness...

--

How are you? Are your nights as long as mine?
Do you take the love I give you and wear it well on your hand?

The lonely music continued to play on his car stereo. He was exhausted from work, and as he reached home, all he saw is a darkness. He got out of the car and walked towards the front door and opened it. Still, total darkness... He's been living this way for 6 months... since the day Genie decided to go... since the divorce...

They both thought this is a good idea... for her and for him... but mostly for him, so that he and Angela could finally be together. But he was wrong, she was wrong...

He walked to his room only to find the their old wedding picture hanging on the bare wall. He looked up at it, and stared into her smiling face. That's what Calvin misses about Genie- how everything seemed to light up when she smiles. How all of his problems seems to go away whenever he opens up to her... but then that fateful night happened that changed everything about their friendship.

If only he had not drowned himself from too much alcohol...
If only Angela didn't leave him to pursue her dreams...
If only Genie was not there to comfort him...

If only he might not have mistaken her for Angela and made love to her that night...

He could still remember the day Genie told him that she's carrying their child. He closed his eyes for the longest time, finally accepting the fact that Angela's gone and he have to take his responsibility for his actions. When he opened his eyes, he finally decided to marry her. He thought that by doing this, he could reciprocate her love for him, and he could be able to forget Angela. But he was wrong...

Angela came back after he and Genie got married. He was confused. He tried his best to love his best friend, but it seems that nobody could replace Angela in his heart, not even his wife...

"Be strong," I frequently say to the person in the mirror.
Although said, lonely and missing someone is like a punishment

A secret affair happened between him and Angela. He knows it would break Genie's heart, but he still did it. Because he loved Angela more than anything else. Because he thought she is his happiness.

Because he is selfish.

Then, the day came and Genie found out about hem. The day she found out about his secret affair was the same day that she had a miscarriage. He knew how upset Genie was... and it was all his fault that he lost their child. It was his fault that he broke her heart.

Thinking of your gentleness, thinking of your appearance, I can't let go...

Soon after Genie came out of the hospital, she left him. She left him without even saying goodbye. That day, all he found was her wedding ring on the side table, together with the divorce papers that she have previously signed. She let him go... so that he could be happy and be with Angela. She never came back since then... At that moment he realized Genie's finally out of his life forever...

Already said goodbye, our respective soaring has grown up
Tightly holding onto love, letting it go leaves me troubled

Calvin reached for the drawer, and took her wedding ring. Maybe he did loved her after all, but he didn't want to admit it. Because all that mattered to him before was Angela, and only Angela. Because he didn't want their friendship to change.

He knew right from the start how Genie feels for him, and he was a bastard to take advantage of it. God knows, he loved her the best way he could... and that's the only thing he could give to her...

But the irony of it all, though Genie was willing to sacrifice for him, Calvin never signed the divorce papers.

Which desire to I want to fulfill?
Leaving you, that's silly, can I regret?

He closed his eyes, and tears began to fall. If only he had appreciated Genie more, then maybe she's still with him. If only he acknowledged what he feels for her, then maybe she never left. If only he was not selfish, then maybe his child would have not died... if only he could tell Genie now how much he loves her...

There are a lot of what-if's in his mind... and it's too late now. Genie's gone... and he can't let go...