cousins

I'm not close to any of my cousins... Well... I used to be close to my cousin but since they started high school, I felt left out. Gone are the days that I would go out and play with them and their friends from their neighborhood, but I'm doubtful with their action since they seemed to be annoyed when I'm around since I'm very "makulit". Seems like they have no choice but to bring me along with them since I'm staying at their place.

The last time I played with my cousins was when I was in second grade. Unfortunately, I skinned my elbow, which made my uber over protective grandma to bring me home and lock me up. Goodbye... happy days. Since then, whenever I sleep over at their place, I am not allowed to go out.

I became a teenager, but still, I never go to be close to them. I'm blaming our age gap, but I guess, that's life. That's why I devoted my time to my high school BFFs rather than hanging out with my cousins. Family problems came, making me more distant to them. I find myself comparing myself to them - who got the better grades, the better school, the better mind, who's the better daughter, etc. Whenever I'm around them, it felt awkward, simply because I'm hanging out with people I really don't know.

This November, my uncle will go home from the states, bringing with them one of my cousins, who I've never met nor seen in my entire life. Somehow, it scares me. I don't how to act and react in front of her. I don't want to be compared to her or even be envy of her. I just don't know how to treat her. Should I treat her like one of my best friends, or just treat her the way I treat my cousins? We exchanged e-mails once, but that's it. And it took her a long time to write me... like a year...

Guess, I'll blame it on the age gap again...