Star - Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - The Decision


Baby, tell me that you still believe
That you still love me the way I love you
If you take it all away from me
You know I would die
'cause I'm not ready for goodbye...

--

She gave him a hard slap on the face. His cheek was red because of it. “How... how could you...” she said in tears. He turned his eyes away from her. “I'm sorry...” he said in a low voice. “I tried to love you.... but...”
“Why can't you choose me again?”
He looked up at her. This is what he's scared of the most – that when he sees the tears on her eyes, he would be pity her again. He doesn't want to make the same mistake... he just have to tell her the truth... because he's not just lying in front of her and in front of everybody. He's already lying to himself...

--

“You just have to let me talk to you... please...” Yi Quan whispered on the phone. It was another night of trying to call Kelsi. The past few days, Kelsi have refused to talk to him. Whenever he calls her up, it was just her answering machine that would answer him. “Please, Kelsi... I know you're there. Pick up the phone. Let me talk to you... let me explain everything...” he pleaded again. He was a little exhausted and irritated with what's happening between the two of them. He know it's all his fault, and Kelsi's not to be blame. But why can't she hear her out. “Kels... please... just listen to my explanation. If you think that's enough, then you can do whatever you want... just hear me out... I'll be waiting for you. I'll be waiting for you at my pad. I'll wait for you no matter what. You just have to give me a chance...” then, after that, he hang up the phone

Little did he know, Kelsi have been listening to him all the time. Maybe she have been harsh to him by not answering his phone call. Maybe she made it all hard for him as well. She have always wanted a chance to be with him, now that he's giving her a chance, why does she have to make him beg for her?

Then, she finally decided. She grabbed her shoulder bag, and headed to his pad.

--

He was startled with a loud knock on the door. He have been waiting for Kelsi for a long time. He stood up from his seat, and rushed to the door. “I've been waiting for you!” he said with a smile on his face. But that smile faded to find Ah Sa standing by his door. “I know you are...” Ah Sa said as she put her arms around his neck. “W-what are you doing here?” Yi Quan asked. “I missed you, darling...” she whispered to his ear. Then, she reached for him, and passionately kissed him on the lips. Yi Quan pulled away from her. “What are you doing?” he shouted at her. Then, he looked up to find Kelsi looking at them. He could see the shock and hurt in her eyes because of the scene she just witnessed. “Kelsi...” he called. Kelsi just turned her back on him, and ran away. “Kelsi!” Yi Quan shouted. He was about to run after him, but Ah Sa stopped him by holding his hand. “Don't run after her...” she said. Yi Quan looked at her, then took her hand off him, and ran after Kelsi.

Finally, Yi Quan was able to reach Kelsi by the elevator. She was already inside the elevator, and the doors were about to close, but he stopped the door from closing by using his hand. He went inside the elevator and stood in front of her. “Kelsi...”
“You shouldn't be here...” he heard her say. “Go back to Ah Sa. She needs you more that I need you.” her eyes turned away from him.
“Kelsi, listen to me...”
“You don't have to explain to me, Quan. I understand. I understand everything...”
Kelsi stood in front of Yi Quan. Her head, hanging low, for she was trying to hide the tears that were about to fall from her eyes. “I knew from the start I'll be losing you to her...” she began. “I know your feelings from her are stronger than what you feel for me... that you have always loved her. It just hurts because I felt you're only using me to forget her...”
“It's not what you think, Kelsi.”
“I know it's not what I think... I made myself believe that I stand a chance with you, that I am worthy of your love... but when I saw you back there with her... when I saw you kissing her... I knew I just lost the fight. She won. She will always have your heart...”

Kelsi looked up at him as she wiped the tear from her eyes. “The more you can't decide. The more, I am hurting. That's why I'm going to make a decision for you. Be with Ah Sa... be with her. I am letting you go... no, I am giving you up. You were never mine to keep with in the first place...” she said. Yi Quan stood, surprised at what she said. “You're just giving up on me like that?” he said bitterly. “I thought you love me, Kelsi. I-”
“Because I realized loving you is the most painful thing I've ever felt in my entire life... and it's hurting you too. I don't want to see you like this... I don't want to make it hard for you, Quan that's why I'm giving way to her. That's why I'm letting you go...”

She reached to his cheek, and kissed him for the last time. “Goodbye, Zuo Yi Quan...” she whispered to his ear. As the elevator door opened, she walked away from him. This time, she know it's for good.

--

"Do you think, if I am not an artist, we would still meet?"
"Yes... if God would allow us to meet... if it's destiny... then we would meet..."
"And we'll still fall in love with each other, right?"
"I would still fall in love with you, Quan... though you're not a star anymore"

She walked through the deserted street as she headed home. Her mind is filled with her memories of Yi Quan...

"Did you know that you just made this day the happiest day of my life?"
"And this would be mine too... if you tell me that you love me too..."

She thought their love would last. She thought her love is strong enough to keep him, but she was wrong. But, there was no regret for her. Being with Yi Quan is the best memory in her life. And even if their love has ended, she could live with just memories of him. “I guess this is where our story ends...” she thought. She have said goodbye to him... now it's all up to her to move on. She felt the tears starting to fall from her eyes again. Before it could, she wiped it. “I won't cry again... this will be the last time I'll cry for him...” she swore to herself.

--

She sat on her bed as she watched the television. It just didn't help that the face being flashed on the screen is Yi Quan's. It's been a week since they broke up. She have been hearing that Yi Quan finally got back with Ah Sa... she thought after all of these, she could pick up the pieces and move on... but healing her broken heart is a really difficult process. She turned the TV off. Then, she closed her eyes... even in the dark, she could see his face, smiling at her. She shed a tear once more. She know she told herself she won't cry for him, but the pain in her heart is just too much.

Just then, she heard the phone ring. She immediately took it and answered the call. “Hello...”
“Hello... Kelsi? This is Jeff.”
“Jeff?”
“You have to come home soon... Angel... she's gone...”

She felt numb upon hearing that news. She dropped the phone, and fell on the floor, still in daze. Before she knew it, her tears were flowing again...

--

Dear Yi Quan,

This might be the last time you'll hear for me. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for all the happy memories we shared for the last few months. I'm sorry if I was weak... that I just gave up like that... but I can't bear seeing you hurt because of me... because of her... that's why I chose to let you go. God knows I love you so much that I'm willing to give you everything, especially your happiness... even if it means I'm not part of it. I am thankful that I had the chance to get to know you, to be with you and to love you even if it's just for a short period of time. You will always be the best thing that ever happened in my life. I'm sorry for being selfish... I'm sorry for everything...

I will always love you no matter what,

Kelsi

Star - Chapter 12: Falling In and Falling Out

When you feel as if you want to let go, remember why you held on for so long... -- “And, Cut!” As soon as the director said cut, Yi Quan and Ah Sa stopped themselves from kissing. They were filming for their new movie, “Love at the Willows” which is being shot in Shanghai. Though the camera have stopped rolling, the two still looked at each other's eyes. Ah Sa smiled at him and then pinched his nose. Yi Quan kissed her on her forehead. It was their last shooting day in Shanghai, and as soon as they finished filming, the two and the rest of the crew would go back to Taiwan in a few days. “Where would you like to have dinner tonight?” Yi Quan asked Ah Sa as they were waking towards their dressing room. Ah Sa embraced his arm, and put her head on his shoulder as they were walking. “I don't know... it's your turn to choose a restaurant tonight.” she said. Yi Quan pulled her closer to him. “Well then, I'll find a perfect restaurant for us.” he said. Then, they reached her dressing room. Yi Quan opened the door for her, and then gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Wo Ai Ni, Yi Quan...” Ah Sa as he turned to leave. Yi Quan paused, then turned back to her. The smile on his face have faded, and there was a worried look in his face. How many times have Ah Sa told him he loved her, but he didn't answered back? “Ah Sa...” he said in a low voice. “You don't have to answer me now, Yi Quan... I know you're just enjoying my company now... I'm willing to wait till you're ready to be with me..” she said as she forced a smile at him. Yi Quan smiled at her, and nodded his head. -- That night, Yi Quan was busy dressing up for his date with Ah Sa, when suddenly his phone rang. He reached for his mobile phone, and found Kelsi's name flashing on the screen. It has been almost weeks since he last talked to her, and by know, he assumes that rumors about his fling with Ah Sa must have reached her. He stared at his phone for a long time before he answered it. He didn't know if he's ready to talk to her or not... he just want to hear her voice because it would just remind him how selfish he is. “Hello.” he said, trying to be cheerful. “Hello Yi Quan...” “How are you, Kelsi?” “I'm OK. I just got off from the hospital. How's your filming?” “It's OK. I'm having a great time here in Shanghai with -” He paused before he could say Yi Quan's name. “I'm doing OK here.” he said. “I'm glad to here that..” she replied. Silence. “I... I have to go Kelsi. I... We're going out for dinner...” he finally said. “Oh... OK... have fun...” he was about to end the call, when he heard him call his name. “Yi Quan... I... I miss you...” she said before she ended the call. As the call ended, he stared at his phone. He opened the picture of her on her phone, and stared at it for a long time. “Kelsi...” he whispered. He felt guilty for leaving her behind. He felt guilty, because while he is having fun with Ah Sa in Shanghai, he know Kelsi's heart is breaking back in Taiwan. He felt that she doesn't deserve a selfish person like him. She deserves more than this charade. -- She ended the call with a heavy feeling in her heart. She thought that after talking to Yi Quan, Kelsi would feel much better... but it only caused her much pain. She wiped the tears falling from her eyes. She doesn't need these now... she have to be strong for him. She just can't give up on him. Rumors about Ah Sa and Yi Quan didn't help as well. She must admit, she's beginning to be unsure of Yi Quan's feelings for her. She understands that he needs the space and time to think things through, but the more that he spends time with Ah Sa, the more that she loses hope. “This isn't right...” she thought. “I have ti trust him.. I have to trust that he loves me and that he'll choose me in the end...” -- All through out the dinner, Yi Quan was silent, and Ah Sa noticed the change of his mood. A while ago, just before they had their dinner, Yi Quan was in a good mood. “Anything wrong, Quan?” she asked. Yi Quan looked up at her and forced a smile. “Oh, nothing's wrong...” he said. “Then why are you silent?” “I'm just a little tired, I guess...” “Would you like to go back to your room first, or would you rather rest in my room?” Ah Sa gave him a seductive smile, but Yi Quan barely looked at her. Instead, he looked away from her. Ah Sa sighed, then she reached fr his hand. “Quan, is there something bothering you? Tell me...” she said. This time, Yi Quan looked up at her again. “It's... it's Kelsi... “ he said. Ah Sa was not too happy to hear her name. “What... what about Kelsi?” she asked. “She called me up a while ago and... and I just felt guilty for taking her granted. I felt guilty because while I'm having fun here, I know she's hurting. She doesn't deserve this...” Ah Sa felt uneasy with how their conversation is going. She was glad when they stayed in Shanghai for almost two months, and he was away from Kelsi. At least it gave her an edge from her competition. She thought she could have Yi Quan by herself, and she never expected that they still have a communication. “If you think she doesn't deserve this, then let her go.” she said. Yi Quan looked at her, surprised at what she said. “I can't do that, Ah Sa! I... I...” “You love her more than you love me don't you?” Yi Quan turned away from her, not answering her question. “All this time that we're together, it was still her, right?” she asked. “I love the two of you...” “Then you better decide soon who should stay in your life. Because, you know what, it's not only her that's you're hurting.” Then, Ah Sa stood up from her seat and walked away from him. Yi Quan was surprised at what she said. He immediately stood up from her seat and followed her. “Ah Sa!” he called as she followed her at the hotel lobby. Ah Sa did not bother to stop or look back at him. Yi Quan decided to run after her, and as soon as he's near her, he held her hand. “Ah Sa, listen to me...” “No, you listen to me, Yi Quan!” she shouted at him. “If you think it's only Kelsi who's hurting, then you're wrong. I say I love you, and you don't answer back... it hurts me. I can't bear the thought that every time we make love, it's her that you're thinking, and when you sleep at night, it's her name that you're calling. I have feelings too, Quan. I can't always play your game, so you have to decide. Is it me or Kelsi?” Yi Quan shook his head. “I can't decide... not now Ah Sa...” he said in a low voice. “Then, until when are you going to play this game? If you're planning to get even with me because of what I did, then you won.” Ah Sa turned to leave, but before she could, Yi Quan hugged her. “I'm sorry, Ah Sa... I'm really sorry. Give me more time to think things through. Once we get back to Taiwan, I'll make my decision. Just don't do this to me... don't be mad at me... please... I'm sorry...” he whispered to her. Ah Sa turned to him, and hugged him tight. Then, he kissed her o her forehead. “I just hope...” he thought. “you would respect my decision...” -- Two Days Later. “Isn't our lady doctor quite happy today...” Jian Hua said when he saw Kelsi by the nurse's station that morning. She was about to leave when she saw Jian Hua. “Good morning, Dr. Huo!” she said cheerfully Jian Hua crossed his arms, and smiled at her. “And why are you extremely happy today, Dr. Ramirez?” he asked. Kelsi just smiled at him. “Well... today is the day Yi Quan's coming back from Shanghai. I'm planning to surprise him.” she said. Jian Hua just sighed with dismay. “Really, Kels.... how can you even think of that guy? He denied you in public, cheated on you with his ex and almost broke up with you all in just 24 hours... he didn't even call you during the time he's away, why even bother with him?” Kelsi paused and looked at him. “I'm doing this to prove to him, and to myself, that I stand a chance. That he should choose me instead of Ah Sa...” she said in a low voice. “But what if that's not the case? What if in the end, he still chose Ah Sa?” he asked again. The smiled in Kelsi's face began to fade. “Then, I have no choice but to give way to her. I haveto respect Quan's decision...” she said. Then, she held Jian Hua's hand and looked up at him, trying to force another smile. “Jian Hua, you should be encouraging me instead. Just tell me, 'Jia you, Kelsi'. Even if you're pretending, please cheer for me...” she pleaded. Jian Hua gave her a faint smile. “Jia you, Kelsi. It will be his loss if he lets you go.” he said. Then, she embraced Jian Hua. “Don't worry, you know you can always run to me if he breaks your heart...” he whispered to her ear. -- As soon as he arrived from the airport, Yi Quan and Ah Sa went straight to the hotel for the press conference of their new movie At the entrance of the hotel, Yi Quan met his assistant. “Welcome back, Mr. Zuo.” Mei Ru bowed as soon as he saw him. “Thank you, Mei Ru.” “Everyone's waiting for you inside.” Yi Quan and Mei Ru walked behind Ah Sa towards the venue of their press conference. “Mei Ru, how's Kelsi?” he asked. “Ms. Kelsi is doing great. I believe she'll be out of her shift in a while...” “Do me a favor... can you pick her up? I want to see her now...” Mei Ru paused and looked up at his boss. Then, he looked at Ah S, who stopped walking as well. “But...” “Just do as I say. Pick her up at the hospital. I have to talk to her right after the press conference.” Mei Ru nodded his head, and headed towards the hotel's exit. What they didn't know, Ah Sa heard what Quan said. She turned around to face him. “This is not the perfect time to talk to her, Quan...” she said. “I know. I have not seen her for so long, I just have to see her. You want me to decide soon right? Let me see her and talk to her and I'll tell you my decision...” he said. Then, he walked towards the hotel's function room. Ah Sa could already feel what's going to be Quan's decision. “It's going to be Kelsi... he's going to choose Kelsi...” she thought. She couldn't lose to her. If Yi Quan will choose her, then she'll have to think of ways so that Kelsi would be the one who'll leave Yi Quan. And she have think fast... -- “Finally, I will get to see him.” Kelsi said as she and Mei Ru walk towards the hotel's function room. Mei Ru looked at her, and smiled. “You really missed him that much, don't you?” he asked. Kelsi looked up at him and smiled. “We haven't seen each other for two months, I'm just excited to see him.” “But I have to remind you, Ah Sa's with him...” Kelsi paused. She suddenly felt scared at that moment. Have Yi Quan finally decided? “I know what you're thinking, Angel. I don't know what's in Yi Quan's mind right now... but you just have to be ready with whatever it is..” she heard Mei Ru said. “Whatever it is... I will respect Yi Quan's decision.” They entered the function room in the middle of the presscon. Ah Sa and Yi Quan were already answering questions regarding their new movie, and their team up. It could not be helped that the reporters would ask about the status of their relationship, and Kelsi sensed sooner or later, someone will raise this question to them. What she didn't know is that Ah Sa saw her at one corner. Ah Sa felt threatened seeing Kelsi. “I have to make my move now...” she thought. Just then, a reporter raised his hand and asked them a question. “Ah Sa, did you and Yi Quan got back together?” she heard the reporter say. She saw Yi Quan reach for his microphone to answer the reporter's question. Before he could, she grabbed the microphone on the table. “Yi Quan and I talked about what happened before while we were shooting in Shanghai.” she said. Yi Quan just looked at her. “And, yes... we got back together.” Yi Quan looked at her with disbelief. Although they have talked, he still didn't made his decision yet. “What are you saying?” he whispered to her. Ah Sa just smiled at him. “We need this for the promotion. Just trust me, Quan.” she said as she winked at him. Meanwhile, Kelsi was shocked at what she heard. She can't believe at Ah Sa's revelation. She never thought Yi Quan has finally made his choice, and his choice is not her. Suddenly, she felt weak. She felt her knees began to wobble, and she was about to fall from where she was standing. Good thing Mei Ru was standing beside her, and helped her to balance herself. “I think it would be better if we go out for the meantime...” he said. Kelsi just looked up at him, and nodded her head. Then, Mei Ru helped her walk, and they went out of the function room. -- “I felt like I'm the third party in this situation...” Kelsi began after her long silence. They were sitting in a bench in the hotel's garden that moment. “I felt I'm the one getting in the way of their relationship...” “No, you're not.” “Did you see how he looked at her? How he smiled at her?” “It's all just for the promotion...” “I wanted to believe that, Mei Ru... but my heart tells me otherwise.” Kelsi closed her eyes, and a tear rolled down her cheek. “Obviously, he have made his decision, and I just have to respect that...” she said in a low voice. “You need a chance to talk to him. Maybe... maybe they're just saying that all for the sake of their movie. Don't give up now. You can't give up now, because you still stand a chance with him...” Mei Ru said. -- “Why did you have to say that?” Yi Quan said to Ah Sa as soon as the press conference is over. Ah Sa just ignored his reaction and continued on retouching her make up. “Why? I told you we needed that for the promotion.” “We don't need that, Ah Sa. We had enough publicity while we are in Taiwan. Why do you have to lie to those reporters regarding our relationship?” This time, Ah Sa looked up at him and gave him a stern look. “Why, Yi Quan? Sooner or later, I'm going we'll get back together. What's wrong with a little lie?” “Kelsi... she -” Ah Sa's face dropped as soon as she heard her name. “So... it's Kelsi...” she said in a low voice. “You really have to be protective when it comes to her, huh?” “I love Kelsi, Ah Sa.” “Then, you do love her more than you do love me, right?” Yi Quan turned his look away from her this time. “Ah Sa... you're making things more difficult for us, for Kelsi. Just let me handle everything.” “You're not answering my question, Quan. I have to know your decision now!” “Let me talk to Kelsi first, Ah Sa. I will tell you my decision.” -- Yi Quan was walking down the hotel lobby, when he found his assistant. “Mei Ru... where is she?” he asked. Mei Ru walked towards him. “She said she can't talk to you for now. A lot of things have already happened, and like you, she need to think things through...” Mei Ru said. Yi Quan let out a bitter laugh. “She heard everything Ah Sa said during the presscon, right?” “Definitely. You asked her to come, she would obviously hear what she would say...” “Is she... how did she take it?” “She was surprised, of course. But most of all, she was... hurt...” The two men looked at each other. “I know I have no right to intrude into your life, Mr. Zuo. After all I am just your assistant. But, Kelsi have been a friend to me. I know the past few months have been hard for her. She took all the rumors about you and Ms. Ah Sa, and awaited for your return hoping she will be given a chance to prove that she's worthy of your love. But you just proved her wrong...” Mei Ru said. Yi Quan can feel the disappointment in his voice. “I know I'm being unfair to her...” Yi Quan began. “But... what can I do? If only I could love the two of them at the same time...” Mei Ru put his hand on his shoulder. “You just have to think, what it is that you've wanted all this time? What's that one thing that you've been looking for? What's the one thing you know you could never live without?” he said. Then, he smiled at him. “Then think, between Ah Sa and Kelsi... who's the one you think of being with when you're happy? Who's the one whom you think of when you're sad? If that person you think of in your happiness and sadness is just one and the same, then chose her. But, if it's different, chose the one you think of in your loneliness.” As Mei Ru left, Yi Quan closed his eyes. He reflected on what he said. He thought of that one person whom he wants to be with him in his loneliness... and then he saw her face. He smiled. He knew all along it will be her, it has always been her. Then, he opened his eyes, finally deciding... it will be her....

Of the economic to crisis and few pages on classified ads

I asked mom to buy me a copy of Manila Bulletin today. As per my experience in previous years, the first Sunday of January is usually the time when this newspaper would have a lot of section for Classified Ads. Lo and Behold! I only got 4 sections for the ads, with only a few pages in it! What's going on?

Also in the news, headline shows that RP and China are expected to be more resilient this 2009 according to Bloomberg, since we fared well in 2008. I'm a little skeptical about this, since with the diminishing pages of classified ads and news that some companies are freeze hiring... I wouldn't be surprise if one day we'll hear news that top companies are laying off people because of the global recession (f*** you, Bush!).

So why does this affect me so much? I need the classified ads to find something: a property to lease, and a new job to apply to. If there's only a few pages of classified ads, well there won't be much choices of things to look for, right?

Predictions for the year of the pig for 2009

from http://www.sipc.edu.ph/Ramil/?p=252

The Pig is an innocent, sweet and lovable personality. They can also be quite melancholy and over-sensitive. The Pig loves the company of others, and adores parties, gossip and chit chat. They are highly intelligent, but prefer to keep this side of their nature under wraps. The Pig does not care that much for money, but is one of the zodiac signs that is very lucky.

Forecast for 2009: 2009 should prove to be a lucky and encouraging year for all Pigs. Interesting offers and chance meetings can occur at any time of the year and the Pig needs to be alert and aware for any lucky breaks. With such a hectic year, it’s important for the Pig to make time for fun and relaxation and travel may be one way to do this. It’s also an excellent year to review his diet and fitness regime, as he needs to be in top form for such an active schedule. April to July will bring happy times for love and relationships, while August and September bring interesting offers on the work front, particularly in relation to publishing and writing.

Interesting Pig Facts:

Zodiac Stone: Ruby

Special Flower: Chrysanthemum

Best Hours: 9-11 pm

Season: Autumn

Lucky Colors: Purple, Red, White

---> hmmm does this mean i'm going to be a writer this year? hehehe


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from http://www.paulng.com/CMS/index.php?/archives/20-PREDICTIONS-FOR-2009-Year-of-Earth-Ox.html#tiger

BOAR 1995 1983 1971 1959 1947 1935

You have a very dominant travel sign. You can move, travel, or make changes. You would be very busy. The busier you are, the more money you can make. Your position in the society would improve. However, beware of health of your elderly family members.

WORK You would businesses require traveling, such as trading, import/export, travel agency, transportation or external affairs. Your reputation level also affects your income level.

WEALTH The better you are know or the more you move around, then the more money you can make. If you are stuck behind the desk, then your income would be much less. Be care of thefts, both at home and abroad.

ROMANCE Your romances would be quite stable. If you are still single, consider marriage.

HEALTH Be careful of accidents or surgery. Drive carefully, Stay away from sharp objects. Take your time when working. Overall, your health is good.

Highlights of Boar of Different Years

• 1995 Watch out those pets. They may get you hurt. Focus on your studies and stay away from too much romance.

• 1983 You would be busy with big work volumes. You would have chances to be promoted at work. Beware of health of your elderly family members.

• 1971 You are in a good money cycle. Even your work is smooth. However, your relations tend to be volatile.

• 1959 You would be very busy, with good job results. Both your boss and your customers would appreciate you. You could be promoted or expand your business if you are self-employed.

• 1947 Both fame and money seem to be with you. Just pay more attention to people relations, especially those inside your family. When you are traveling, beware of thefts and accidents.

• 1935 There may be people issues and controversies. Take a step back and look at the wider and freer world.

---> wow! dominant travelling sign? does this mean by this year i'll be able to travel abroad?

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from http://pinoybusiness.org/2008/11/04/born-in-the-year-of-the-pig-year-of-the-ox-2009-predictions-and-forecast/

Pigs (1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995) who have are already in a relationship might suddenly get married in the year of the OX, married Pigs on the other hand, might get pregnant. There are quite a number of powerful lucky stars shining on the Pig in 2009 which will favorably influence love luck and career luck. However, there also some unlucky stars like Gu Chen, Hui Qi and Jie Sha, that will make the Pig feel restless with mood swings and he will easily get frustrated. He should also be prepared all the time this year of the ox 2009.

Tai Yang, one of the lucky stars, implies that the Pig will be able to get help from powerful male people, and those having a business with a male partner will also enjoy better luck this year. For the single female Pig, Tai Yang would bring good luck to her in terms of love relationship. She is encouraged to travel to distant places to find better love luck and career luck since the star Tai Yang also signifies outbound energy. The female Pig will also be successful in developing a long-term relationship.

Other lucky stars, like Yue Tang which implies realization of potential and clear logical thinking could bring a good year for those in strategic planning and creative industries, also for those engaged in clerical jobs. With the star Tai Tang, together with Yue Tang which symbolizes recognition and appreciation, the year of the Ox would definitely bring good luck in career for the Pig, as he can also expect many joyful events with the help of another lucky star Tian Xi.

Unfortunately, the loneliness star Gu Chen can make the Pig feel emotionally distressed. Together with another unlucky star Hui Qi, the Pig could feel more alienated. This could mean that he might not get along well with everyone as he will be having trouble with poor communication. Jie Sha, the star of frustrations and difficulties, signifies that the Pig would encounter trials and difficulties before finally succeeding. This in spite of the help of influential males in his or her career. It is therefore advised that the Pig should persevere.

----> quite true... seems like i'll be depress this year because of lack of lovelife! lol

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all in all, i'm quite happy that this year would still be considered a lucky year for me. i really hope my career will continue to flourish this year

Nalilito ako!

I watched "Qing Bao" for the nth time... letche! ang gwapo ni Danson Tang! Bwisit lang yung babaeng partner nya... ang landi! waaaahhh affected daw ba?

So Danson's new album will be released on 1/23... I'm thinking... bibili ba ako ng album nya or hindi? His first album is not that bad naman, and I'm looking forward for the MV of "Gao Su Wo"... so should I buy his new album?

Perfect

I realized … it’s not about everything going right. Thank god it isn’t, because everything that could’ve gone wrong that night … did. Nothing went as planned.

It’s when everything goes horribly wrong … and you realize … even then that you’d want to spend that same horrible evening with that person rather than have the perfect evening with anyone else in the world … it’s then that you have to be pretty stupid not to grasp …

That between you and her …

A little bit of love has to exist

-My Only Angel (fanfic).

Believe

“How much of what you believe is reality and how much of it is your insecurity?”

- My Only Angel (fan fic)

year-end survey again

Website of the year: frhfamily forum, multiply, winglin

Person of the year: chun and calvin

Couple of the year: chan and faye, chun and ella, chun at ah sa (yuck!), calvin and *toot*

Night of the year: nung nagovernight kami kina tintin

Trip Out of Town of the year: baguio!

Restaurant of the year: gerry's

Game of the year: corrupt a wish hehehhe

Formal Event of the year: gxs christmas party?

Quote of the year: for crying out loud!

Teacher of the year: ms, gap

Gift of the year: laptop :D

Expense of the year: laptop, fm she, frh's third album

New hobby of the year: ffp, gumawa ng fan fic

Dessert of the year: cake

Dish of the year: tapsilog

House of the year: tin's, ikay's

Party of the year: jiro's b-day bash

Drink of the year: white mocha frappe, san mig light

Mall of the year: megamall

Haircut of the year: huh?

Panalo picture of the year: madame masyado... mga pic ng laiteam

Prof of the Year: Literature prof

Sleepover of the Year: kina tintin

Scary movie of the Year: butterfly lover hehehe joke - the mummy na lang

Movie of the Year: a very special love

Funny Film of the Year: a very special love pa rin

Hot actor of the Year: jason statham

Hot Actress of the Year: rainie yang

Weight Loss of the Year: hmmmm wala

the best of 2008

1.) FOOD OF THE YEAR?
hungry hippo's bacon burger meal!

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend):
my sis, meiyuri

3) NEWCOMER AWARD – COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?:
madami ito eh... ffp definitely

3) HIGHEST POINT OF THE YEAR?
July!:)

4) LOWEST POINT OF THE YEAR?:
may

5) BEST HOLIDAY?:
christmas

6) YOUR SONG FOR 2008?
tumatakbo by mojofly

7) best movie FOR 2008?
twilight

8) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH AND WHERE?
with pie sa sm north edsa

9) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
wala

10) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR (di fastfood)?
gerry's

11) KISS OF THE YEAR?
huh?

12) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
lumipat ng kumpanya, imeet ang hana kimers ng pex

13) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
go back to st. jo to talk to OSA regarding our reunion, prepare for ffp's 1st year anniv, apply for advertising company

14) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN YOU GOT DRUNK?
told everyone i have a crush on nel, pero di ko talaga siya crush

15) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
hana kimi :D

16) BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT?:
got in an it company, got promoted

17) HEARTBREAKER OF THE YEAR?:
chun nyahaha

18) BIGGEST CHANGE FOR THE YEAR?
in all fairness to me madalas na ako lumabas ngayon... may social life na ako!

19) NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION?
save more money

20) BLOCKMATE OF THE YEAR?
gerald

21) SITE OF THE YEAR?
multiply, ffp forum

22) COUPLE OF THE YEAR?
chunella :D

23) FOOD OF THE YEAR?
burger

24) SUBJECT OF THE YEAR?
MAJOR - subject sa mga emails ko wahahahaha

25) SEATMATE OF THE YEAR?
ms. gap

26) STORE OF THE YEAR?
bilihan ng cd sa st. francis

27) CRUSH OF THE YEAR?
aote

28) YM BUDDY OF THE YEAR?
josche

29) MAYOR OF THE YEAR?
mayor???

30) CLUB OF THE YEAR
ffp!

31)PERSON OF THE YEAR????
myself

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicles #26 - So what's in store for me?

Just a few days from now, and it will be 2009...

To tell you honestly, I have no concrete plans for 2009. Well, I know FFP will always be one of my priorities... then there's my new work as a Tier 2... but as I've mentioned... no concrete plans.

But there are things that I am thinking through... like work. God... I feel like I'm going to mess up anytime soon. I am not ready for this. I feel like the-guy-who-made-me-cry-because-of-a-freaking-email is just waiting for me to mess up. I can already imagine the smirk on his face. People believe in me, and trusts in me that's why I am in this position, the problem is I dont believe and trust myself, and it's complicating everything.

I'm not sure what else I'll do this year. Seems like all the things I wanted, I've already done in 2008.

to be continued...

Star - Chapter 11

Chapter 11- Heartaches
A tall figure walked along the hospital lobby. Only the sound of her heels were being heard around the place. She stopped walking as soon as she saw the nurses' station. She took off her shades as she watched her talk with a colleague, she must have disturb the two with her presence, for as soon as they looked up at her, her colleague said goodbye to her, and left. “You must be Kelsi?” she asked. She looked up at her and nodded her head. She smirked at Kelsi. “I don't think I have to introduce myself anymore...”
“You don't have to. I know who you are...”

Silence.

--

Yi Quan woke up the next day with a throbbing headache. He sat up from his bed as he massaged his head, then he realized that he was naked. He looked to his side, and he saw Ah Sa sleeping peacefully beside him, also naked. He shook his head upon realizing just what happened last night. He felt more guilty than ever. How could he sleep with her, and make love to her? How could he betray the girl who loves her?

After a while, he felt her move. He looked down at her, and watched as she slowly opened her eyes. The moment she saw him staring at her, she smiled. “Good morning, honey...” she said. Then, she sat up on the bed and reached for him to kiss on the cheek. Before her lips could touch his cheek, he turned away from her. “What's wrong with you?” she asked. “This... this is wrong, Ah Sa...” he said in a low voice. She reached for his face, and pulled it towards her. “No, it's not, Yi Quan. I love you... and I know you still love me...”
“You just don't understand. I can't love you anymore... because...”
“Because?”

Ah Sa waited for his answer, but he just turned away from her again. He stood up from the bed and walked away from her. “Ah Sa... please leave now before someone could see us together.” he said. “But why? You just have to tell me, Yi Quan. Tell me why can't you love me again?” she asked in a demanding tone. Yi Quan looked back at her. “Because I have someone else... someone who love me more than anything else, and I just can't hurt her...” he finally answered.
She looked up at him. She could sense Yi Quan's guilt – not to her, but to someone else. She thought that when she comes back, she would easily have him back as well. Though she cheated at him, she said to herself that she would do everything to amend her mistakes. She now realizes it's harder than she thought, because there is another girl between them. “Do you love her more than you loved me?” she asked, with a hint of hurt in her voice. Yi Quan turned to her. He paused, not knowing what to say to her. He love Kelsi, he is sure of that. But what he's not sure is who do he love more. Ah Sa's sudden appearance just made him more confused, because all the feelings he have for her, all the love he felt for her, all of it suddenly came back. It didn't help much that he made love to her just last night.

Ah Sa stood up from the bed, covering herself with the blanket, and walked up to him. She have to prove to herself that she still stand a chance with this man. Then, she reached up to him and kissed him passionately on the lips, and he did not resist at all.

--

That morning, Kelsi was trying to call Yi Quan on his mobile phone, but it seems that he turned his phone off. She called him at his home, but nobody's answering as well. “Where is he...” she thought. She sighed. She could sense something... her instinct is telling her something... but she doesn't want to believe it. A while ago, she turned the TV on, and the news she saw is all about Ah Sa coming back, and she making a movie with Yi Quan. While watching the news, she felt as if someone poured cold water on her. She wanted to think that Yi Quan got together with Ah Sa, but she dismissed at that thought. She trusts him so much, and she know she would never do that to her.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard someone knock at the door. She stood up from the couch and opened it. It was Jian Hua. “Good morning!” he said, smiling at her. He put the bags he is holding in the air to show it. “I brought breakfast.” he said. Kelsi just forced a smile, and let him in. Jian Hua noticed how worried and sad she looked like. “Anything wrong?”
“No... nothing's wrong, Wallace.”
“Then why are you so gloomy?”

Kelsi didn't looked at him, nor answered his question. “Is it because he stood you up last night?” he asked again. This time, Kelsi looked up a him. “How... how did you know?” she asked. “I never left the hospital till someone came for you. Too bad, it wasn't superstar but just his assistant...” he answered. Kelsi just lowered her head. “He's just busy, I guess... “ she said. Jian Hua gave her a stern look. “Stop making excuses for Zuo Yi Quan, Kelsi.”
“I'm not making excuses for him. It's the truth...”
“Then why did he denied you in the public? How can you make an excuse for what he did?”

Kelsi did not answer him. Instead, she turned away to him again. “I'm not making excuses for him...” she said in a low voice. “I'm just saying what I think... because...” then, she turned and looked him straight into his eyes. “I don't want to think that something's going wrong between us...” Jian Hua gave her a startled look. “What do you mean?”
“She's back... the girl he once loved...”

--

“Tell me, who is she?” Ah Sa asked Yi Quan as she hugged him tight. They were lying on the bed after making love again that morning. Yi Quan just stroked her hair as he kissed her on her forehead. “Kelsi...she... she's the most amazing girl I've met. When I met her, it's as if I've known her all my life...” he answered. Ah Sa looked up at him. She could feel a sting in her heart as he describe this girl, Kelsi. “Do... do you really love her that much?” she asked again. Again, he didn't answer her question. Ah Sa hugged him tighter. “I know I still stand a chance, Yi Quan. I'm not giving up on you...” she said. Even if she have to hurt someone's feelings, she'll do it just to have Yi Quan by herself.

--

Jian Hua and Kelsi found themselves standing in front of Yi Quan's pad. “Are you sure about this?” Kelsi asked him as she held the doorknob. “This is the only way we could find out if your instincts are right or not...”
“But this means I don't trust him...”
“Or would you rather get crazy with your thoughts?”

Kelsi didn't argue with him anymore. Slowly, she opened the door. She could hear Yi Quan's laugh... but he's not alone. She peeked inside, and she saw him on the table having breakfast. He was having breakfast with someone... and that someone is Ah Sa. She saw how Yi Quan smiled at her. She saw how he fed her. She saw how she lovingly kissed her on the lips. She fought the tears from falling from her eyes. She put on a brave front as she faced Jian Hua. The last thing she wants is for him to see her in pain. She forced a smile as she turned to him. “Nothing's there.” she said as she shrugged her shoulder. But, Jian Hua didn't believe her. He held the door, wanting it to open wide. “I said nothing's there, Wallace!” she said. 'Then, let me take a peek... will you?” he told her. “I thought I heard something...”

Before Jian Hua could open the door, Kelsi held his hand to stop him. “Please don't...” she said. She looked up at him, her eyes, pleading him. Wallace just gave her a stern look, as if saying to let him handle the situation. Then, she let him go, and walked away from him. Jian Hua watched as Kelsi left. Nothing could stop him now to find the truth. He opened the door wide, and the two lovebirds inside the pad looked at him with surprise...

--

Yi Quan and Ah Sa were startled as they saw Jian Hua by the door. He could see the anger in his eyes as he approached them. “Jian Hua...” Yi Quan muttered. Before he knew it, Jian Hua let out a strong punch, which made him fell on the floor. “What are you doing?” Ah Sa shouted at him. She came up to Yi Quan, and helped him up. Jian Hua just ignored Ah Sa, and faced Yi Quan once again. “That's for breaking Kelsi's heart.” Jian Hua said in a hard tone. With that, Jian Hua turned to leave.

--

Kelsi walked back to her apartment. This time, tears can't help falling from her eyes. Her thoughts were still filled with the scene she saw at Yi Quan's pad that morning. Her gut feel was right. Something is going on, and something is bound to go wrong. When she saw him kiss her back, she felt her heart broke into a million pieces. It's as if she can't breathe because of the pain she's feeling. Her eyes were blurred because of her tears, and she could not think straight. She absentmindedly crossed the street, not knowing that car was fast approaching her. She heard a loud honk from the car, and before she could move, she felt someone pull her back. Someone hugged her to protect her from being hit by the car.

As soon as the car left, she turned her back to find Yi Quan. He looked at her with the sorry look on his face, but she didn't bother looking up to him. Instead, she walked as fast as she could away from him. “Kelsi!” she heard him call her. But she never looked back or stop. She could feel that Yi Quan's following her. She just continued walking away from him. “Kelsi... please stop... let me explain...” she heard him say. This time, Kelsi stopped and looked at him as he walked towards her. “Let's talk... please...” he pleaded.

--

“She's back... isn't she...” Kelsi began. Yi Quan looked at her and nodded his head. Kelsi let out a faint smile. “I knew it...” she mumbled. “It's not what you think, Kelsi...” he said. This time, Kelsi looked up to him. “But something must've happened, right?” she asked. Yi Quan became quiet. “Is she asking you to take her back?” she asked again. Yi Quan slowly nodded his head again. “Are you going to take her back?” she asked. She was hoping Yi Quan would say no. she was hoping Yi Quan would tell her she was just thinking too much, that nothing will ever change between them even if Ah Sa's getting in the way. “Kelsi... I...” he began. “I'm confused now... I'm more confused now more than ever...”
“But you love me, right?”
“I do love you Kelsi... believe me...”
“But whats wrong? Tell me you're not coming back to her...”

This time, Kelsi can't help but breakdown in front of him. Yi Quan took her into his arms, and embraced her. “Kelsi, listen to me...” he said. “You're the last person I want to see hurting because of me... but I needed the time and the space to think things over. I love you, I really do. But when I saw Ah Sa... I got confused... I'm sorry...”
“Do you still love her?”

She waited for his answer. She watched him as he closed his eyes. He slowly nodded his head. “I realized I never stopped loving her...” he said in a low voice. He opened his eyes to find tears on her eyes. It pained him more to see her cry, but he just have to admit to her what he feels inside. He didn't want to lie to her, because he knows it will complicate more in the future if he lied to her. He reached for her face, and wiped the tear on her cheek. “I'm sorry that I have to put you through this pain. I'm sorry that I was not strong enough. I just need to think things through... I assure you and I promise you we'll get through this... just give me time...” he said. He could already feel the tears falling from his eyes. He never thought everything would end up this way. He never thought that there would come a time that he will be unsure of how he felt for her. Kelsi cupped his cheeks with his hands, and stared into his black orbs. “I will give you time if that's what you want... I'm willing to wait for you... but you have to make up your mind soon because... because it's breaking my heart...” she said. “Call me selfish, but I'm not willing to lose you... I won't give way to her. I won't give you up for her...” Then, Yi Quan moved closer to her. He kissed her lips, hoping it won't be for the last time. After their long kiss, he stood up and started to walk away from her.

“You are not selfish Kelsi...” he thought. “I am the one who's selfish...”

--

“What do you want to talk about?” Kelsi asked as soon as she and Ah Sa settled in a cafe. “It's about Yi Quan...” she said. Kelsi just looked at her. She knew what's going on her mind. “What about him?”
“I love him, Kelsi...”
“I love him too.”
“I want him back in my life...”
“One day, Yi Quan will decide who between us should stay in his heart. He will choose who between us whom he love more.”
“He is my life, Kelsi...”

Kelsi just looked at her, then she shook her head. “If he is your life...” she began. “Why did you have to betray him? Why did you have to leave him and went away with his best friend?” Ah Sa just lowered her head, unable to answer what Kelsi asked her. “I know I have no right to pry into your life, and whatever happened before between you and Yi Quan, it's the past and it's none of my business anymore. I am with him now. I'm not going to give him up to you.” she said. Ah Sa then looked to her and gave a faint smile. “Yes, you're right. Whatever that happened before... it's none of your business. But I'm back. I'm willing to do everything for him to forgive me. And like you, I'm going to fight for what I feel for him.” Ah Sa said. With that, she stood up from her seat, and began to walk away from her. “Then, may the best woman win.” she heard Kelsi say. Ah Sa stopped and faced her again. “Yes... and I know he will chose me.”

Silence.

“After all...” she continued. “I know he still have feelings left for me...”

So what happened to my 2008?

1. By February 2008, I was hired as Technical Support Engineer at GXS, and I said goodbye to my colleagues at NCO
2. I met people, who like me, are fans of Fahrenheit and other Asian artists
3. We didn't have electricity for like 6 months
4. Got to see Wu Chun and Calvin Chen in person... and oh yeah, Evan, a Korean artist and VJ Isak
5. I handled a really difficult account
6. Got promoted
7. I was able to go to Baguio
8. Met the new apple of my eye
9. Got SHE's new album
10. Got a laptop
11. Had the guts to publish my stories online

Star - Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – The unseen tears

“I know he loved me dearly, and I feel the same way for him...”

“I understand why he did the things he did a while ago...”

“I believe everything he say, especially when he says that he loves me...”

“But why do I feel that something's going wrong?”

“Why do I feel that I'm starting to lose him?”

“I've told myself that I'll be contented with what we have now... That I would accept it if he would be gone in my life... but I'm not yet ready for this... I'm not yet ready to lose him....”

“Am I being selfish? Am I asking too much? Is this too much?”

Silence.

“Was it wrong for me to love him with all my life?”

Silence.

Tears began to fall from her eyes. She have had enough heartbreak for a day. She doesn't need the feeling of losing Yi Quan. She doesn't need this strong gut feel. She doesn't want the feeling she's feeling right now. Most of all, she doesn't need this paranoia.

She need to see him, she need him to assure her that everything's going to be all right, and tell her that she's thinking too much...

But he's not around to comfort her.

He put his arm around her and comforted her. He pulled him to his chest, as she let her cry onto his shoulder. Mei Ru could only watch as she cries. He was here merely as a substitute for Yi Quan, and as her friend. She doesn't need another heartache,she understand. He decided not to tell Yi Quan's whereabouts.

If only Yi Quan would decide sooner who he will he choose...

--

He sat across the woman who broke his heart. He looked into her eyes, she was smiling at the people around them. He felt the familiar pain when he saw her in bed with his best friend. But what startled him more, was he felt a confusion in his heart.

He was silent during dinner, an only speaks up when being asked. He was not comfortable with the fact that he is facing Ah Sa. He was not yet ready to see her, not now. Though he have moved on, the pain in his heart still remained. “Yi Quan, why don't you drive Ah Sa home?” Dennis said to him. Yi Quan looked up at him, and gave a sly smile. “I don't think that would be appropriate.” he said. Then, he glared at Ah Sa. “We broke up a long time ago...” he continued. Dennis and Ah Ken could feel the tension growing between Ah Sa and Yi Quan. “Well... It would be much better if the you two would talk about what happened. It would be for the best since the two of you would be working together, right?” Dennis said. Ah Ken walked towards Yi Quan and leaned over him. “Do what he says or else...” he hissed at him. Yi Quan glared at him, He then looked at Ah Sa, then back at Ah Ken. “All right...” he said, giving in to them. “I'll take her home.”

--

Yi Quan stopped the car in front of Ah Sa's house. During the drive, there was an awkward silence between them. “Here we are...” he said coldly to her. Ah Sa gave Yi Quan a smile, trying to break the ice between them. “Would you like to come in?” she asked. Yi Quan looked away from her. “To tell you the truth, Ah Sa, Im not ready to see you after everything that happened between us... I'm not ready to see Nan as well...” he replied. Ah Sa looked at Yi Quan, her smiled slowly faded from her face. “Yi Quan... you still have not forgiven me, haven't you?” she said in a low voice. “You still have not forgiven me and Nan...”

“I have forgiven you, but I have not forgotten how you broke my heart.”

Ah Sa leaned closer to Yi Quan, and pull his face to hers. “Yi Quan...” He glared at her. “You can't do this, Ah Sa... you can't break someone's heart, leave and come back as if nothing happened. I can't pretend nothing happened, because you know what, it took me along time to forget about you. It took a lot of effort for me to move on.” Tears began to fall from Ah Sa's eyes. She have anticipated this, his wrath, but shes willing to endure everything as long as she could have him back. “Yi Quan... I came back for you. I realized that I still love you... Please take me back... please choose me again...” she begged him. He took her hands away from him, and turned away from her. “I'm sorry, I can't choose you anymore...” he said. “Is there someone else?” she asked. Yi Quan didn't answer her, but instead let out a sigh. “It's that fan girl, right?” she asked again. This time, Yi Quan looked at her and stared into her eyes. “It's none of your business anymore, Ah Sa. Whoever it is that I chose to love... it's none of your business...”

Ah Sa is still determined to have him back. Desperate, she pulled Yi Quan and kissed him passionately. After a while, Yi Quan pulled away from her. 'Leave me, Ah Sa...” he said in a low voice. “I cant love you... not anymore...” Ah Sa shook her head as she speak. “I won't give up on you, Yi Quan. I know, deep in your heart, you still love me.” she said. With that, Ah Sa left Yi Quan in his car. What she didn't know is that when she left, she also left a big confusion in his heart...

--

“Mr. Zuo, about Ms. Kelsi -”

“Please, Mei Ru... leave me alone for the mean time...”

“But Mr. Zuo, Ms. Kelsi is waiting for you at the hospital...”

Yi Quan looked up at him with a worried look in his face. “Mei Ru, please do me a favor... please pick her up at the hospital and send her home...” he said. Mei Ru nodded his head and headed out of the door. As soon as Mei Ru left, he stood up from the couch and headed to his mini bar. He poured himself a glass of wine, and drunk it all up. He felt guilty for denying Kelsi, for standing her up, and most of all, for being confused about he feels for her. He was not ready to see Ah Sa. He was not ready to feel what he felt the moment he saw her. The truth is, he could not deny that he was still attracted to her, and the love he thought that have died the day she cheated on her, resurfaced once again.

The truth is, he wanted Ah Sa back. He could've taken her back at that moment, but he thought about Kelsi. He loved her as well, and he could feel her love for him is unconditional. She was willing to be on the sidelines so that he could continue being a superstar. She risked being denied by him, because she loves him so much, and he felt he was being a jerk. Ya Se's right, maybe he was just using her as a rebound. “This isn't right...” he thought.

He poured himself another glass of wine, and drank it again. As soon as he finished it, he poured the wine into his glass again. He is still in love with Ah Sa. Despite everything, she's still the one she wants. He just couldn't understand why... maybe it's because of the fact that only Ah Sa could satisfy his needs as a man... something that Kelsi could not give to her.

He heard the door slowly opened. He turned around and saw Ah Sa enter his pad. “What are you doing here?” he asked in a calm tone. “I won't give up on you, Yi Quan...” she said as she walked towards her. As she walked, she slowly took off the coat she was wearing, revealing the her skin in a sexy little black dress. “You shouldn't be here, Ah Sa...” he said, turning away from her. She put her arm around him, and pulled his face towards her. “Give me a chance to love you again, Yi Quan.... please...” she begged again. Yi Quan looked in a different direction, because he know if she looked into her eyes, he would be more confused, or worse, he might give in to her. Ah Sa moved closer to him, and before he knew it, her lips have touched his, kissing him as passionate as ever. Being the man he is, all his defenses were down, and he finally gave in to her that night...

--

“No, you are not being selfish... it was him that's being selfish...”

“No, it's not wrong for you to love him, because I know he loved you as much as you do...”

“He is blind if he won't realize that he deserves you more than anything else... I've seen how you sacrificed for him...”

“But...”

He paused. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her she's back... but he can't bear to see her heart breaking. “You... you just have to fight for him... if you do love him, you have to fight for what you feel...”

At that moment, he knew, it will be the start of her heartbreak. He just wish he could see the unseen tears in her eye... so that he would make his choice soon... and he hoped he will make the right choice this time...

my 2008

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
** chased a guy, handled several accounts, be on leave for only a few days

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
** yep

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
** wala

4. Did anyone close to you die?
** none

5. What countries did you visit?
** wala

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
** money, lovelife

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

** feb 19, march 30, july 12-14, aug 30, october 11

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
** was able to get in an IT company (finally!), gained friends who understood my addiction, saw "the" guy in person, got promoted

9. What was your biggest failure?
** next please

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
** lagnat lang

11. What was the best thing you bought?
** FM SHE CD and my laptop

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
** my 2nd family

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
** someone... and mine

14. Where did most of your money go?
** gimik, food, gifts for...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
** july 12 ;)

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2008?
** hmmm... xin wo rin like betsy and everything by ss501

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier? yup
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter
iii. richer or poorer? both? hehehe

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
** save money, chased some more

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
less fat?

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
** at work

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?

** read my other entries to fond out

23. How many one-night stands?
** how i wish lol

24. What was your favorite TV program?
**fated to love you ;)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
** slight...

26. What was the best book you read?
** saving francesca by melina marchetta... sobrang kakarelate kasi ako

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
** hmmm... ss501 siguro and paramore and i j-pop

28. What did you want and get?
** flourishing career

29. What did you want and not get?
** malupit na lovelife

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
** a very special love (may ganun) wahahahahaa

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
** i worked on my brithday then went on leave the next day :D 25 na ako

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
** if only i had the guts to go near him... or ask him out for dinner

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
** jeans ans shirt pa rin

34. What kept you sane?
** my fahrenheit family, my wifeys, my mom

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
** calvin chen and kim hyun joong

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
** GMA

37. Who did you miss?

** a guy who must not be named ;)

38. Who was the best new person you met?
** madami eh... basta yung second family ko

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
** there's nothing wrong in taking risks, and i am stronger than i think i am. God won't give me something that He knows I could not handle

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
** i've had a time of my life and i never felt this way before... yes i swear it's true and i owe it all to you...

**suddenly in my life something got me mystified... i cannot hide it but i can try to keep the wonder of it alive

Did he just...??

08:13:25 PM
24/12/2008

May nagtext ng Merry Christmas sa kin...

MERRY NA TALAGA CHRISTMAS KO!!!!

Did he just...??

May gusto akong makitang tao...

Hindi yung iniisip nyo, nakita ko naman na sya

hindi rin yung sa, may moment na ako sa kanya

Gusto ko siya makita...

Siya lang...

Kung pede lang sana...

--

I'm so sorry... but it's over...

Next In Line

Whew... sa wakas, I just finished "Fated to Love You" last Saturday. I loved the ending!!! Sana may Part 2 (ano naman ang ipapart 2???) Anyways, I loved how Cun Xi got Xin Yi to marry him... pero medyo gago rin si Cun Xi kasi ang fickle-minded nya...

Then, episode 7 na pala ako ng "Reaching for the Stars". In all fairness kay Guo Yan Jun, wafu siya. I just don't like Shan Dong that much (forgot his name, pero siya yung ex-bf ni Barbie Hsu sa Corner With Love).

Then, "Top on the Forbidden City". I've been hearing maganda daw tong series na to so I bought the DVD in Binondo during our shopping EB. I have always liked Gino in frog prince... and I hated JR coz di sya masyadong gwapo dun sa show nila ni Jason Hsu and Zax Wang (I don't know the title... basta parang 100% entertainment sya... Red Storm ata title...) pero nung napanood ko sya sa TOFC, . Yun lang

Still struggling to watch RP. I tried to watch the Tagalized version DVD I had, pero the mere fact that the CC event's included in the CD... well... next please!

I rewatched Hana Kimi Jap. Watched the part where Nakatsu was suspected to cheat during midterms. Actually, it's one of my favorite episodes because Toma-kun gets to sing "Ikenai Taiyou" at the end (waaaahhh +1000000000 points). Also watched episode 12 of Hana Kimi Taiwan, love the part where Quan told Julia that he knows Rui Xi is a girl... then Rui Xi's imagination (yung part na iniimagine nya na bakla si Quan... wahahahhaa)

Struggled to watch 7 episodes of X Family (Danson! Danson! Danson!) and finsihed disc 1 of KO One (Ya Se! Ya Se! Ya Se!)

Still on episode 1 of TKA

Di ko pa nasasalang yung CD ko ng Green Forest my home (baka maawa lang ako kay Owen)

The Rose, still stuck on episode 1

SIRA DVD KO NG SUMMER X SUMMER!!! ARRRGGGHHHH

episode 6 na ako ng Sailor Moon live (gusto ko manood ng gag show bakit ba? PAKSHET WALA NGA YUNG EPISODE 0 to 2 pati yung SP at yung mini episodes!!! ARRRRGGGHHH)

Episode 1 pa rin ng Tokyo Juliet, Full Count

Episode 6 na ako ng Mean Girl Ah Chun (PLEASE PAKITULUNGAN NAMAN AKO HANAPIN TITLE NUNG INSERT SONG NUN...)

yun lang... dami pa nakasalang eh..

Plus new fan fics... wahahaahaha

Quarterlife Crisis Chronicles #25: There is a Merry thing about Christmas... somehow...

I'm not so sure but this year's Christmas seems to be the most depressing one for me. I just started my work as a Tier 2 just last week, and technically, this is my 1st week working as one. I should be happy right? Think again...

I just had a conversation with Gap two days ago about my promotion. To tell you the truth, I've been wanting to talk to her... I badly needed her sisterly advice... I want her second opinions about the crucial decisions I made in my life. I badly needed someone I can talk to about work... and she's the only I know who could understand me. I was planning to do that during the our Baguio trip, but I was not able to talk to her, have a one-on-one session with her because there was a "tampuhan" that happened between her and Nelson and Kim. And so, I just kept things to myself. I may look excited outside, but the truth is, inside me there's a lot of fears... there's a lot of hesitation... in my mind, there's the thought of backing out, of resigning, of leaving all these things behind simply because I was scared. Funny, I thought I'm ready to leave my comfort zone, but the truth is... I am not. It's the reason why I was happy when Sir Darwin informed me I am not going to Ohio, because I know for myself I am not ready.

I was scared of the sudden changes that's happening to me. It was overwhelming. It was something unexpected. I was excited. But... I was scared...

Being the perfectionist that I am, I don't want to make mistakes. There's no room for mistakes for me. Even if I did, I don't want to make the same mistakes as I did before. Work has been stressing me out, because I was "obsessing" with the thought that I will mess up. And most of all... it seems that I didn't belong here. Well, that is until last night when I joined the team on their lunch out last night. They seem so close and the guys are not that bad... Suddenly, I want to be here... I want to stay here... I want to learn and strive to be the best

I forgot the reasons why I chose this path - it's because I wanted to learn more. It's because I know being a Tier 2 can make me grow as a person. I forgot why I was chosen to be one - because they know I can handle thing. As my mantra goes, God will not give me something that I know I can never handle. I handled my account, I cried blood and tears, till everything is OK. This is a big challenge for me, the one opprotunity I should not let pass by. I know I can do this... as long as I have trust in myself.

--

OK, enough of work.

It's been months, and still, my mom and my uncle is still not talking. I should be happy right? I hated the man to the bones... but somehow it's a sad thing. We are a family. Whatever it is that he have done to me, I have forgiven him even if he didn't say sorry. Christmas is suppose to be a time for families, but it just seems it's just me and my mom now.

When grandma's still a live, Christmas and New Year are days that I look forward to. I get to see my cousins, my aunt and my uncles, I get to talk to my relatives abroad, we eat together the Noche Buena that my mom and my aunt prepared...

Then...

Everything changed on the year my grandma died. Everyone was all about who gets the right to the house. Everyone is against each other. Everyone hated my mom, trying to bring us down... It was the most chaotic part of my life. It's the one thing I wanted to forget.

Would it be too much to ask us to be a family once again?

--

I am thankful for my friends...

I am thankful my wifeys are there for me...

I got Josche's offline message a while ago, trying to cheer me up. Lately I've been really really down. It's because I can't understand myself anymore, and I can't understand why these things have been happening to me. They are the people who distracts me from my problems (in a good way), who laughs with me, cheers for me, who stood up for me...

I'm glad I met these girls...

--

2008 was the best year for me since I met those people who understood me, who became my second family. 2008 is the best for me because my wish came tru - I saw Chun, I saw Calvin, I got in an IT company, I got promoted. I am hopeful 2009 will be a greater year for me.

--

I am slowly seeing the light..

Somehow, there is Merry in Christmas this year. I just have to be more optimistic.

My baby...

I'm in love...

I have a new love...

His name is Blue...

And this time, there's not letting go